Re: I am ready to divorce a narcissist: advice needed

anyone who would make you feel badly for staying with someone shouldn't be replying to your message anyway! they have not walked in your shoes therefore have no rights to judge you on your relationship. (plus, i believe there is a much larger number of people who are in these relationships but too ashamed to admit it or face it.)

YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING as hard as it is for you to convince yourself that others see it that way. Take your time, go at your own pace, and yes document everything. Admitting it, and being willing to finally do something about it, is the hardest step, which you have already taken.

I know all about emotional/verbal abuse especially when children are involved, its hard to admit someone could be so henious to you and still be a good father, but i have found in some cases they do not go hand in hand. Someone can be totally abusive towards a women and still love their children to no end. (they just dont know how to treat women with respect and could come from any place in their lives most likely a learned behavior)
Start slowly, as you probably don't want him to sense problems that could send him into a rage and put you and your children in danger. I am not thinking that talking to him about any of it would be beneficial at all. Document, document, document. then get a protection from abuse order (harassment orders in some states) and this can be done and served with no knowledge to him until the police show up to tell him its time for him to move on. (im most cases abusers dont get the hint until they break the PFA in one form or another.)

Keep your head up and stay positive, don't let what he says effect you (although, i know, i am sure it already has, as emotional abuse is far worse than physical abuse because at least scars and bruises can heal) when someone says enough bad things about you I know that eventually you start to believe it. I have lived through this. If you stay it will never get better, if you leave sure you may feel like crap about yourself for a while but at least you can start your journey to healing.

WHO CARES ABOUT A MANS MONEY WHEN HE MAKES YOU FEEL WORTHLESS? there are plenty of programs to help you get on your feet. General Assistance through your town or city...etcetc.. there are also a lot of programs available specifically for victims of domestic violence as well.

Its hard to put yourself in a category such as "victim" but you are, and you need to break the chain before your children get the same learned behaviors that he has.

chin up. keep everyone posted. good luck! Tweet