Re: After Adoption

How long ago did you bring your adopted child into your home?  Was it a local adoption, or was it international?  What is the age of your child?  How long had you been trying to adopt, and under what circumstances? What types of behavioral concerns are you facing?  Yes, these are particularly personal questions, but without examining the whole picture, understanding your child's behaviors will be very, very difficult.  A great number of specifics may provide insight for you, immediately.  Others may take some time to sort out.  

Most certainly, many international adoptions from orphanages result in severe disappointment for the new parents - the children are virtually warehoused and suffer a complete absence of normal, healthy human interactions which can contribute to behavioral disorders.  If you have specific behavioral concerns that have manifested for a year or more, it may be advisable to seek out assistance with a well-recommended child psychologist (NOT psychiatrist).  And, if you seek out assistance, be sure that the psychologist is familiar with adoption issues.  

It's also quite possible and likely that your child is simply attempting to adjust to their new (and, often thoroughly alarming) environment.  It is my understanding that typical international adoptions often provide a child without any previous interaction, so this very, very fragile human being is virtually torn from what they understand to be "home," thrust into the arms of exuberant people that they do not know, and instantly expected to be thrilled with the prospect of being smothered with love and adoration when they weren't provided any type of nurturing during their infancies.  The adoptive parents have the benefit of maturity and life's experiences to reference.  The adopted child, on the other hand, has no frame of reference other than what they've experienced in their first few years, which is pretty dismal by any standards.  

I was adopted as an infant, and even infant adoption often comes with its own long-term issues, regardless of whether it was local or international.  I would gently, but firmly, recommend seeking assistance and just try to be as patient and understanding as possible with your beautiful new child.  Sure, it may take some time, but there will likely come a day when your family finally comes together.  

Best wishes to you - all of this will be sorted out, in due time.  Brightest blessings to you and congratulations on your new family member!