Where to start??

Hey all

First of all - where to start? I used to come to this place years & years ago....my how it's grown! God there are so many forums, I don't know where to start? It would probably be beneficial to me to be in many. *sighs*

Ok, I need to make some serious changes in my life. Even just thinking about the changes gets me all nervous and overwhelmed. I don't have a clue where to start or how to go about doing this and how to stick with it???

About me: I am 37. I am a drinker, and a smoker, I am overweight, not in shape, I suffer from depression, anxiety and insomnia, lack of self esteem and confidence, my skin is horrible, my feet look terrible (dry, cracked, callused, my toenails have issues), I have acne, psoriasis, rosacea, alopecia, hair thinning & loss, arthritis, I have been diagnosed in the past 2 yrs with Lupus, I am starting to get hair growth on my face (so i think my hormones are all wonky) I have recently acquired allergies - one of which is think is nuts for some odd reason - I am too terrified to ever try any nuts again after my last experience.

I have been off & on prescription meds for the past couple years for pnuemonia, bronchitis, acne, insomnia, various skin infections & infections in my body. I am always freaking sick now - drives me crazy. Sometimes the meds are mild, sometimes not so much. If I am in a lotta pain, I have sat down, popped the meds, took some painkillers & washed it all down with a bunch of wine and hope I wake in the morning. (I know - so bad) I get days where I am so exhuasted and so sore, my stairs look like a mountain. Sometimes I am great & can get housework done or do things with my kids, other days, I just want to sit in the middle of the floor and cry all day - it hurts too much to move, and I get overwhelmed by it all.

I have no support - my family are all drinkers, they tell me I am lazy & that I just need to toughen up & get with it & that I am making excuses for things. I sleep in lots when I do sleep, I screw up at work, I am unfocused and scatterbrained. I have let my addictions take over me & my life.

I want to focus more on health and happiness again. I want to be a vegetarian again (but I love fish), I want to fast again, and have smoothies and drink herbal teas and just get healthy. I want to gain my faith & spirituality back. I want to be a decent size again. I want my house to be clean again, and most of all - I want to care again. I have been single forever and well I want to establish a social network again and meet some friends.

I just want my life back.

I kinda have to hop out of the horrible circle I am in, and jump into a healthy one - but I don't know how to go about making such drastic changes? Which I must also say that I am in a tight financial budget which really doesn't help matters at all.

So, where do I start? Tweet