Mold, MS or Anxiety? - Please help

Hi everyone,

I don't know if anyone can help me. I badly need a friend and an ear right now.

This past winter I kept getting sinus infections. By mid-Februrary, I found myself at home trapped by all the snow (I'm in Virginia) in a rental house that has had some serious water damage issues (the landlord has gone through several sump pumps in the past year and pipes have burst behind the washer within the wall and nothing was ever done to dry the water except the passing of time). Anyway, the more the snow melted, the more water accumulated in the already water-logged crawl space and the sicker I became. Serious sinus issues (including nose bleeds), disorientation and dizziness, shortness of breath, agitation, the worst headaches of my life and severe fatigue. Weight was dropping off of me. After several doctor visits (including an ER visit) and blood tests I was scheduled for an MRI and a CT scan and visits with an allergist, a Neuro and an ENT.

As suspected, I had serious upper respiratory issues going on. No one seemed to care about the rapid weight loss. My PCP put me on two different rounds of Antibiotics . An emergency room doc diagnosed me with migranes (!!!) and prescribed Vicodin (I never got the prescription filled). The ENT had to vacuum out my ears to get rid of excessive fluid and put me on more Antibiotics . The allergist confirmed allergies including mold but suggested meds for Depression (???) and put me on inhalers and allergy meds. The pulmanologist (breathing) scheduled me for a breathing test, amazed that the allergist didn't do one. Another PCP put me on antifungals and other antihistamines. Lastly, the neuro told me that if the house had that much water damage to (as she put it) "just move" and then added, almost as an afterthought, that the MRI showed a brain lesion in my right forehead and I might have MS -- or maybe not. I sat there, stunned. I had no symptoms of MS except for occasional dizziness and fatigue (which could be ANYthing). I was scheduled for evoked potentials (tests that check for neuro damage including a vision test and hooking you up to something like EKG machines to test nerve response) and began to learn all I could about MS. I needed to know what it was, what the symptoms were and treatment (in hindsight, maybe not the best idea).

In denial that anything that serious could be wrong (this started as a sinus issue after all and I was pretty healthy up until this winter), I postponed the evoked potentials for a few weeks and instead visited a holistic doctor (who did nothing more than relieve me of $175 for a diet of only raw vegetables and vitamins I could've purchased for $15). I've had thyroid tests, Lyme disease, cancer, diabetes, you name it. All came back negative.

I continued to get sicker and sicker (more weight loss, dry heaves, serious insomnia and the worst fatigue I've ever felt in my life). Too sick to work or do much more than lay in bed, people urged me to get out of that house. I moved in with friends about a month ago, leaving all of my belongings and pets in the house (it's impossible to move when you're this sick, all alone, on unpaid leave from work and uncertain of when or IF you'll recover) only going back to take care of my diabetic cat and to pack a few things once a day IF I have the energy to drive the 15 miles there.

Almost overnight, illness robbed me of the place I called home (and loved) for 8 years, my schoolwork (I'm a PT student), my income, my job, my animals, my sleep and my sanity. Not only do I not know what is wrong with me medically, I didn't know if I will lose my job, fail my classes and a host of other worries (including being in a wheelchair and/or never being able to work or drive again). I am single and have no family. The stress has been unbearable. I became even sicker. I lost 30 lbs in two months, found myself shaking uncontrollably at times and started exhibiting symptoms that are related to panic attacks but also MS (such as a buzzing feeling in my left ankle and extreme muscle weakness in my whole body -- something I never felt until the "possible" dx of MS). I'm a type A personality, always stressed, with a history of anxiety. Is it possible this all pushed my body over the edge?

I was amazed at the support from a lot of my friends but equally amazed at how people I THOUGHT were my friends dropped me like a rock, insinuating I was somehow just "making all of this up" or talking myself into having MS (??) or mistaking panic disorder for MS. One such friend was the guy who promised to drive me to my evoked potentials (60 miles away) on April 9th. I had to reschedule for the 21st of this month and found someone else for transportation. I applied for short term disability with my job. By the morning of the 21st, I literally hadn't slept for days and was up all night before the appt (they can only do the tests at 8am 60 miles away and that meant being up at 5am). Shaking uncontrollably, with serious muscle and joint pain and throwing up, terrified they were going to give me neuro tests at a time when I was absolutely a wreck and misdiagnose me, I rescheduled the tests -- and have been kicking myself ever since. It turns out they only do one test on one patient each day and only at 8am -- which means my appointment is not until May 10th and the chances of my getting in sooner are slim to none.

I've looked up so much info on MS and read how people have had "episodes" of numbness, or vision issues or dizziness, then years later find out it's MS. I've never had any previous issues and wonder if I am literally making myself crazy since I never had any MS symptoms until I was told I maybe have it. I've seen posts how some people choose to forego meds or not tell their employers, etc. HOW can that be? I haven't been able to function for over two months. I finally got a mold air test of the house (the landlord refused to do it). The bedroom (where I worked from at home and of course slept and spent most of my time) showed significant toxic mold issues (four different types to be exact). My constant searching of the internet shows my symptoms to be consistent with mold poisoning and MS and ..well, a host of other illnesses. Sometimes I want it to be MS just so they can give me something for it.

I am moving completely (pets and all) with friends within the month so I can recover financially and hopefully medically (and the thinking that if it IS mold poisoning I'll be out of the house - I'm not even taking any furniture or other stuff that may be contaminated). At this point, however, I no longer believe I will ever feel okay again. I've been sick for so long I don't remember being well. I miss my animals. I miss my home. I miss my life. I am terrified what will happen to me.

My muscles are like lead. I can't sleep. When I do sleep, I wake up exhausted. At times I am too weak to hold the phone up to my ear or even walk out to the porch. Up until January, I had a ton of energy and was a regular gym-goer. Now, at times I feel like I'm dying. I'm that sick. My entire body feels the way you feel after a car accident. My lower back aches. My joints ache. I'm getting hot flashes and chills. My heart will race and breathing is difficult. I literally feel like I have a terminal disease. Then the buzzing will start in my left ankle. Recently doctors told me I may have mold poisoning or MS or maybe both. !!!!!!!! I would think being out of that house (even though I go back each day) would've shown me some improvement. And I didn't think MS came on one day out of the blue like this.

Still undiagnosed with anything, my whole life has been taken away from me -- except I'm still alive -- and I'm starting to even feel bad about that (yes, at this point, I'm very depressed). Some people say MS is manageable and something you get used to treating -- like diabetes. But almost every MS video on YouTube talks about the unbearable pain and torture of MS. Montel Williams likens it to being burned with metal rods. All I see are people in wheelchairs. The meds make you feel like you have the worst case of the flu ever. But I feel like that already, so more suffering is what I have ahead of me?

My doctor listed my return to work date (for my disability forms) for May 15 - pretty optimistic since my evoked potentials aren't until May 10th. All I do sun up to sun down is worry about all of this. Some people seem to find out immediately and other people say they had to wait for specific episodes of flare ups before they are diagnosed. What is an episode? I have had no relief in over two months. I would think an episode would be something that shows up and then goes away. Me on the other hand? I feel like I've been poisoned and every day is something I try to get through. I am (almost) 42 but feel like I'm 90.

I'm afraid of being diagnosed with MS. I'm afraid of being misdiagnosed and given meds I don't need. I'm afraid of being diagnosed with nothing and left to suffer even longer with no diagnosis of anything (you'd think in this time I'm waiting they'd at least test me for diseases similar to MS). I am so scared and very depressed and ...the end of my rope was well over a month ago. I was a relatively happy healthy person before and now I'm searching for reasons to live. Yes, really. I had a lot of faith in God before this happened and now ... I'm just broken in a million pieces. Is there any end to this? Am I ever going to feel at least "ok" again? At least if the fatigue and brain fog could subside I could maybe get a handle on the other stuff. I see no light at the end of this tunnel.

In a lot of ways it seems like mold poisoning (which I've had before from working at a sick building for just a short period of time) and not at all like MS. Some days I think I'm making myself crazy (and sicker) with stress and panic. Then I'll get a tingle in my ankle and immediately think it's MS again. The last time I was exposed to toxic mold, only time was able to heal me (two months). This, however, seems to have no end. I can find tons of reports of mold sickness all over the internet. However, good luck in finding any cures - which is why I'm here.

I'm so sorry for the long post. This is the first time in a long while I've even been okay enough to sit up in front of the computer. Tweet