I feel victimized by my friend.

       I have been friends with my roommate for seven years. After he was diagnosed with AIDS six years ago, I made a promise to myself that I would help him. I have lived with him for five years total, and during this time I have covered most of our living expenses, including most of the rent and food. I bought a car for him to use. It is his responsibility to pay the utility bills. 
       Two years ago he sold the car and used the money to go to Puerto Rico for six months. I was upset that he didn’t give me any money from the sale but I was happy for him that he was pursuing a dream so I didn’t protest much. I also reluctantly agreed to let him sublet his room to a friend of a friend(he didn’t give me much choice). I later found out that he was charging this stranger in my house a lot of rent, none of which he offered to me to pay rent to our landlord.

       When he returned he became increasingly demanding and threatened suicide a couple of times to convince me to do what he wanted. He hasn’t been able to hold down a steady job so I convinced him to go to school to get his masters degree, hoping he could live off of the finical aid and feel good about pursing something he loves( he is a very talented classical composer).

        He has become increasingly abusive and threatening. For the last six months he has been threatening to kick me out of the house if I don’t do what he wants (my name is not on the lease). He claims it is my responsibility to clean the entire house twice a week because I have cats. He yells at me all of the time that the house is dirty but he has never cleaned himself. I been so tired and depressed.

       This month he went back east for Christmas. He refused to pay his $150 dollar rent because he said I owed him money for the internet, which I did owe $50.  I’ve been struggling finically a great deal because I was laid off from my part-time job and I am also a full time student. I paid his part of the rent but told him I was mad and that I thought he was taking advantage of me. We had a nasty fight and he and I both said some horrible things. He told me to move out and I said I would when I was done with my degree in March.

       Before he left to go back east last week he took all the cups and glasses, “his food” , lamps etc.  and locked them in his room with a pad lock. He also took the internet modem and locked it in his room. I broke in and retrieved it.

      I feel guilty for invading his privacy, but I need the internet for school and other things.

      I decided it would better for me to move out while he is out of town because I can’t imagine how horrible he is going to be when he returns. I’m not telling him because I am afraid of his recent behavior.

      I feel so sad that I have invested so much in this relationship and he doesn’t care about me. I also feel sad that I am going to be homeless for my lasts quarter of school. I need some time to save money to get another place, so I’ll have to stay with friends. I plan on never talking to him again, but I hope I can forgive him for being so vindictive. And I hope I can forgive myself for allowing him to take advantage of me for so long.