The Stages of Life , Where are you?

The Stages of Life
Where are you?

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MALE

DRINK
Age 17 Beer
Age 25 Beer
Age 35 Vodka
Age 48 Double Vodka
Age 66 Maalox

HOUSE PET
Age 17 Roaches
Age 25 Stoned-out college roommate
Age 35 Irish Setter
Age 48 Children from first marriage
Age 66 Barbi

SEDUCTION LINE
Age 17 My parents are away for the weekend!
Age 25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend!
Age 35 My fiancee is away for the weekend.
Age 48 My wife is away for the weekend.
Age 66 My second wife is dead.

FAVORITE SPORT
Age 17 Sex
Age 25 Sex
Age 35 Sex
Age 48 Sex
Age 66 Napping

FAVORITE DRUG
Age 17 Pot
Age 25 Coke
Age 35 Really good coke
Age 48 Power
Age 66 Coke, a limousine and a company jet

DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
Age 17 "Tongue"
Age 25 "Breakfast"
Age 35 "She didn't set back my therapy."
Age 48 "I didn't have to meet her kids."
Age 66 "Got home alive."

FAVORITE FANTASY
Age 17 Getting to third base
Age 25 Airplane sex
Age 35 Menage a trois
Age 48 Taking the company public
Age 66 Swiss maid / Nazi love slave

WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Age 17 25
Age 25 35
Age 35 48
Age 48 66
Age 66 17

IDEAL DATE
Age 17 Triple Stephen King feature at the drive-in
Age 25 "Split the check before we go back to my place"
Age 35 "Just come over."
Age 48 "Just come over and cook."
Age 66 Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.


FEMALE

DRINK
Age 17 Wine Coolers
Age 25 White Wine
Age 35 Red Wine
Age 48 Dom Perignon
Age 66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
Age 17 Need to wash my hair
Age 25 Need to wash and condition my hair
Age 35 Need to color my hair
Age 48 Need to have Francois color my hair
Age 66 Need to have Francois color my wig

DRUG
Age 17 Shopping
Age 25 Shopping
Age 35 Shopping
Age 48 Shopping
Age 66 Shopping

FAVORITE SPORT
Age 17 Shopping
Age 25 Shopping
Age 35 Shopping
Age 48 Shopping
Age 66 Shopping

FAVORITE FANTASY
Age 17 Tall, dark and handsome
Age 25 Tall, dark and handsome with money
Age 35 Tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
Age 48 A man with hair
Age 66 A man

DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
Age 17 "Burger King"
Age 25 "Free meal"
Age 35 "A diamond"
Age 48 "A bigger diamond"
Age 66 "Home Alone"

WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Age 17 17
Age 25 25
Age 35 35
Age 48 48
Age 66 66

HOUSE PET
Age 17 Muffy the cat
Age 25 Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the cat
Age 35 Irish setter and Muffy the cat
Age 48 Children from his first marriage and Muffy the cat
Age 66 Retired husband who dabbles in taxidermy and stuffs Muffy the cat

IDEAL DATE
Age 17 He offers to pay
Age 25 He pays
Age 35 He cooks breakfast the next morning
Age 48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
Age 66 He can chew breakfast