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Police one liners
Snakeater Views: 3,610
Published: 12 years ago

Police one liners

These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were

Taken off actual police car videos around the country:

16. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just



15. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch

After you wear them a while.."

14. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth

certificate a

Worthless document."

13. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

12. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the


Of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

11. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can


Anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

10. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think


Will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

9. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that


Or I'll give you another ticket."

8. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are


Or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

7. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go


Ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

6. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster


5. "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

4 "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

3. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're


To write as many tickets as we can."

2. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of

Yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."


1. "You didn't think we gave pretty women tickets? You're right, we


Sign here."





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