Re: I deny it.... You don't know me.

it sounds to me as if your NDE was your ticket out of an existence that increasingly kept you disconnected from your real self/your real desires. Whatever set you on your path within the military was likely shaped by your experiences as a child. It all made sense until you began to experience the reality. There arent too many ways outta what you were doing. Give yourself some credit -- you were dying to get outta there -- in fact you did. You took that experience and became a better man. What more can a person ask of oneself?

You sound as tho you expect much of yourself -- out to save the world and all --

We know so much more about everything than we did in the 40s. 60s. 80s, 90s first few years of this century. I am not the same person either. My most traumatic, semi-remembered NDE had the opposite effect on me. The events I was able to recall brought fear and anger into my life in a way I had never experienced them before. (The experiences culminating in my death were horrifying -- Mengele wld have been proud.) As I sought to climb out of the stupor I was falling into by recalling the event which had me "all plugged up", I fell into a deep, dark hole and into a world which became increasingly hostile and isolating. At my weakest, I was surrounded by people trying to kill me (or failing that return to trying to get me to kill myself).

Eventually, I climbed out. Eventually, I forgave myself for being such a dufus. I pondered the positive side. Well, I certainly understood other people's weaknesses a lot better. and, I understood evil a lot better. Those who seek destruction shall find it. My aim is to not be there.

I realize that we are all children crying in the dark (the good, the bad, and the ugly). and like you I found that love is all that lasts.

I disagree w/you about love and acts of kindness. Doing is good and it matters -- people shld try to walk their talk. But a quadriplegic who loves those around him/her and the world which has presented him with such a mighty challenge has a much better chance of entering heaven than someone who does a million acts of kindness but has not love in his/her heart. Tweet