You forgot "Bless her heart"....................

Posted originally by Paulette...................

Southern Belles............... by Southern Belle ..... Jokes Forum

Date: 2/24/2003 12:39:51 PM ( 6 year ago)
Popularity: 316
URL: //www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=423608


> Ah do declare
> >
> > (Some thangs ahr so impotant they needs repeatin, so's one does not
fo'git
> > how truly impotant they all rilly ahr.)
> >
> >
> > This is for Southern Belles, Ladies who should have been Southern
Belles,
> > and those who would be Southern Belles if they knew the rules.
> >
> > Someone once noted that a Southerner can get away with the most awful
kind
> > of insult just as long as it's prefaced with the words, "Bless her
heart"
> or
> > "Bless his heart." As in, "Bless his heart, if they put his brain on the
> > head of a pin, it'd roll around like a BB on a six lane highway.
> >
> > " Or, "Bless her heart, she's so buck- toothed, she could eat an apple
> > through a picket fence."
> >
> > There are also the sneakier ones: "You know, it's amazing that even
though
> > she had that baby 7 months after they were married, bless her heart, it
> > weighed 10 pounds."
> >
> > As long as the heart is sufficiently blessed, the insult can't be all
that
> > bad.
> >
> > I was thinking about this the other day when a friend was telling about
> her
> > new transplanted Northern friend who was upset because her toddler is
just
> > beginning to talk and he has a Southern accent. My friend, who is very
> kind
> > and, bless her heart, cannot do a thing about those thighs of hers, was
> > justifiably miffed about this. After all, this woman had CHOSEN to move
to
> > the South a couple of years ago. "Can you believe it?" said her friend.
"A
> > child of mine is going to be "taaaallllkkin liiiike
> > thiiiissss.."
> >
> > Now, don't get me wrong. Some of my dearest friends are from the north,
> > bless their hearts. I welcome their perspective, their friendships and
> their
> > recipes for authentic Northern Italian food.
> >
> > I've even gotten past their endless complaints that you can't find good
> > bread down here. And the heathens, bless their hearts, don't like
> cornbread!
> >
> > The ones that really gore my ox are the native Southerners who have
begun
> to
> > act almost embarrassed about their speech. We've already lost too much.
I
> > was raised to say "swanee," not swear, but you hardly ever hear anyone
say
> > that anymore, I swanee you don't.
> >
> > And I've caught myself thinking twice before saying something is "right
> > much," "right close," or "right good" because non-natives think this is
> > right funny indeed.
> >
> > I have a friend from Bawston who thinks it's hilarious when I say I've
got
> > to "carry" my daughter to the doctor or "cut off" the light. She also
gets
> a
> > giggle every time I am "fixin'" to do something. And, bless their
hearts,
> > they don't even know where "over yonder" is or what "I reckon" means!
> >
> > My personal favorite was my aunt saying, "Bless her heart, she can't
help
> > being ugly, but she could've stayed home."
> >
> > To those of you who're still a little embarrassed by your Southerness:
> take
> > a dose of sausage gravy 'n' grits and call me in the morning, bless your
> > heart!
> >
> > And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all
> this
> > Southern stuff, bless your hearts, I hear they're fixin' to have classes
> on
> > Southernese as a second language!
> >
> > Southern girls know bad manners when they see them:
> >
> > Drinking straight out of a can.
> > Not sending thank you notes.
> > Velvet after February.
> > White shoes before Easter or after Labor Day.
> >
> > Southern girls appreciate their natural assets:
> > Dewy skin.
> > A winning smile.
> > That unforgettable, Southern drawl.
> >
> > Southern girls know their manners:
> > "Yes, ma'am."
> > "Yes, sir."
> >
> > Southern girls have a distinct way with fond expressions:
> > "Y'all come back!"
> > "Well, bless your heart."
> > "Drop by when you can."
> > "How's your mother?"
> > "Love your hair."
> > "Well, shut my mouth."
> >
> > Southern girls don't sweat...they glisten.
> >
> > Southern girls know their summer weather report:
> > Humidity
> > Humidity
> > Humidity
> >
> > Southern girls know their three R's!:
> > Rich
> > Richer
> > Richest
> >
> > Southern girls know their vacation spots:
> > The Beach
> > The Beach
> > The Beach
> >
> > Southern girls know the joys of June, July, and August:
> > Summer tans
> > Wide brimmed hats
> > Mint juleps
> >
> > Southern girls know everybody's first name:
> > Honey
> > Darlin'
> > Sugah
> >
> > Southern girls know the movies that speak to their hearts:
> > "Gone With the Wind"
> > "Fried Green Tomatoes"
> > "Driving Miss Daisy"
> > "Steel Magnolias"
> >
> > Southern girls know their country breakfasts:
> > Red-eye gravy (or thick white gravy, or chocolate gravy for the
> die-hards.)
> > GRITS
> > Mouth-watering homemade biscuits
> >
> > Southern girls know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
> > Adlanna (Atlanta as outsiders say, lol)
> > Richmon
> > Charleston
> > S'vannah
> > Birminham
> > Nawlins'
> > OH! That city in Alabama? It's pronounced MUNTGUMRY!
> >
> > Southern girls know their elegant gentlemen:
> > Men in uniform.
> > Men in tuxedos.
> > Rhett Butler, of course.
> >
> > Y'all know Southern girls are quick on the drawl.
> >
> > Southern girls know their prime real estate:
> > The Mall
> > The Beauty Salon
> > The Ranch with the longest stretch of river bottom
> >
> > Southern girls know the three deadly sins:
> > Bad hair
> > Bad manners
> > Bad blind dates
> >
> > Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fo'evah!
> >
> > G.R.I.T.S. = Girls Raised in The South!
> >
> > Now you run along, Sugah, and send this to some other Girls Raised In
> > The South, i.e., Southern Belles, or any females aspiring to be GRITS.