Thought for the Day: "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." Oliver Wendell Holmes

Thought for the Day: "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." Oliver Wendell Holmes

If I told you guys what I have been thru in the last 35 years you would wonder as my psychiatrist (some 30 years ago) did.  She told me it was impossible I am still alive.  I have been thru so much it is unimaginable.  From an abusive childhood to an supressed memory full of horrible experiences to problems in America being a Muslim.  Sometimes I just cry when I think just how horrible things have been.

I live alone in Jordan after my husband died some 7 years ago and always struggling to even eat, pay rent and of course take care of my one remaining cat.  I have been told I was the bravest person on earth from someone who knows what I have done to you are a worthless piece of crap ( that last word edited).  I have cried, I have hurt and I have been in pain.  But thru it all I found strength.  What is inside of me comes from Allah and he has saved my life more times than I could even count.

I remember lying in the ambulance, with tears running down my face, asking why did Allah save me.  I felt so unworthy of his love.  I dragged myself to the doctor after someone poisoned me falling on the ground but I made it.  I had people try to kill me in a mall because I was Muslim and even had someone try to kick my door in to attack me.  I have had knives to my throat and guns to my head and each time I have survived.

Inner strength is from God not something we create.  My brother in law told me once, I wish my wife was like you, real strong.  I told him this is from Allah, not from me.  I look back at those days when I was under so much pressure knowing I was not safe and I wonder how I ever survived.  I look back and it seems so long ago but really 30 years goes by fast.  Sometimes I think that is why Allah made me Muslim because I have been thru so much.

Now as my dear sweet Precious is gone and Muhanin, Noor and Panchie, Sweetie and Broken tail I again look for the inner strength to realize that everyones destiny is with Allah not with us.  I can't say anything would of been different had I not opened that window that night as she would of surely died if that was the call.  Maybe she is in a better place as she was sick.  I know I loved her so much and I know that I did the best I could with the funds I had.  

I just went thru the gigantic problem of the worms drama and then having the woman not help me financially any more, but I survived.  I have had so many problems lately but I survived.  The inner strength comes out each time and I get mad.  I think getting angry is the key.  For anger draws us out and pulls us together.

If we sit around crying all the time and feeling sorry for ourself we accomplish nothing but sorrow.  We need to angry and do something about our life.  We need to raise our heads up and show the world I am strong and no matter what you do you cannot hurt me.  Do not let your enemies be happy with your problems, do not let them see you desenigrate into nothingness, do not give them the pleasure of the laugh.  For I guarantee you I am here, I am woman, hear me roar.

You cannot defeat me no matter what you do.  You cannot humble me with fear or threat of life.  You cannot create havoc on the boards about my religion for surely I will ban you, (heheheh).  You cannot ruin my life, cause my life is not yours but mine.

I will survive, I will be strong and yes I will love again.  Wow, I am a tough cookie, heheh.  Not really guys but don't you ever let anyone get you down.  Cry, be sad and suffer shortly but then come back stronger than before.  Allah does not like weak people but he loves the strong people.  He does not like those without faith but he loves those who turn to him.

What is tomorrow, only he knows, can I survive another crises for sure.  If you think of these problems as major ones think of the Iraqi people on a daily basis with no security.  Think of the Pakistanians who have no blankets or shoes and who froze in the winters and think of my friends the Afghanistan who have no rights.

Haa, my problems are nothing.  I am well, I am strong and I am a survivor.  I guarantee you what is inside me is much more than any problem I have faced or will face.

Lol, where's the food.  I am hungry.

The end.

Sara