Re: My boyfriend's issues, (Long message)

Hi Raven,

I'd like to throw in my 2 cents. Mr. John Master-Cleanse has a point in that this guy is showing you his hand and it's a tough one. He has a general idea that is someone is too much drama, leave and save yourself the trouble. I can actually relate to this and definitely look at the pros and cons in any relationship and see which outweighs which.

However in your case I don't know that I agree you should run. The tone of your post doesn't say he treats you bad and you have rough times. Is the relationship strong, mostly drama free leaving you filling fulfilled but you notice that your mate is hurting? Or Is it difficult and you're secretly wishing he was more whole so you could be fulfilled? If the situation is the latter, then I agree. You can't wait for someone to be whole. It may take their whole life or longer.

If your situation is the former, and things are very good until you start worrying about his demons, IF YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH, stay. Enjoy the relationship for what it is. You are very concerned about being there for him and letting him know he doesn't have to face the demons alone. What you're missing, I think, is that he is not facing the demons alone. You're there supporting and loving him and he is accepting the help bit by bit, as much as he is able to emotionally. You're being perfect for him at the moment. By being there for him and by allowing yourself to be happy with him (THIS IS KEY), youare giving him what he needs to feel more secure slowly but surely.

In terms of what he should do, I don't believe that rehashing things out slowly and painfully helps necessarily and much time and money is wasted doing this. Psychological studies have proven that the best way to get over anger, for example is reframing how you think of something. So if he wants to tackle it head on, he can do some self work, some meditation and just develop his spiritual side in general. This will infiltrate those old issues but he doesn't need to hash them out directly for them to be helped and I don't recommend that approach. My 2 cents, but again, this is for him to do. If you started a meditation practice or another practice, maybe he would join you, but beyond that I wouldn't try to "help" him. Remember, you already are. Find comfort in that and enjoy the good parts of the relationship.

Cheers~

~Roooth