lonliness is hurting so much

it just hurts. recently got me at a bar, drinking, now i have trouble with the law. i know im stupid and others have it worse than i do such as illness or disability etc. i do have the knowledge, understanding and maturity to " change my mind" but STILL, being alone still hurts a lot because of who ive always been. i guess im not looking for any feedback at all, just being able to express myself here does me some good, maybe someone here would want to just talk to me. i do have a good friend who is married that talks with me on a level that i need, im just not well on my own. i was married for 10 years that im mostly thankful for, still here i sit all alone, 41, about to move home with parents for financial reasons. on fact ive been up for 20 hours on three hours sleep so maybe im typing here out of pure desperation. what the hell am i doing?
as a guy with a strong sex drive, im at the point where i dont care about it anymore. id rather have a girl who CARES about me and holds my hand, tells me everything will be ok. maybe i would stop being so sad when trying to fall asleep at night.