Re: How do you help a hoarder?

Hello Kirstin,

Thanks for writing and thanks for your suggestion for my dad. He prefers over the counter medicines! :)

I'm going to stick with what I said in my first response to you - I just don't think you're going to be able to "help" your mom in the way you would like.

Her stuff makes you feel nervous and claustrophobic. So whatever you do (move boxes around, clear out stuff, throw things out), just realize that this is *you* you're helping.

She may need you around after her surgery and asking what she needs (a few magazines, errands down, laundry) is the best way to help her. Let her tell you.

But deciding what is best for someone else and then trying to "help" them is an illusion.

This is her house. Her life. Her path, and I think finding a way to change your reaction to her could prove to be your best move. So instead of moving the external stuff, try moving the internal stuff to allow for "This is my mother. She hoards. She may hurt. She may be broken in my eyes. But I love her and I will meet her on her terms."

"My 'solutions' for her life may not be the solutions she needs or wants."
"My mom is just being my mom. My reaction to her is what needs to heal."

Try writing more of these kinds of phrases for yourself so you can make those subtle shifts. And use your writing to help you reframe some of this.

Sorry about the experience with your book. I'm still editing for people as I work on building up coaching and transitioning into healing arts. Maybe you can take that book out again, freshen it up, get some feedback on it, and try sending to new agents.

I wish you all the best.

Bella