Michaelamurray1's problem and needs help! Don't know what to do!

I apologize for not telling this information to anybody. Long story.
I regret this VERY MUCH! I have been going through this neck (swollen, numb) pain ever since
Friday, of Jan 7, 2005 around 5:11 P.M Eastern Time. That's going on three years. I should be locked up and behind
bars for telling this story & not letting anyone know about this.
So, I have been keeping this a secret that involves my life or my death. I should have wrote this report of this dirty
health secret of myself the day after this mess happened. But, deep down inside, I was scared,
guilty, nervous, crying, angry, & depressed, that all these emotions prevented me from
going to the doctor, telling anyone about this detailed story,
or writing this self-report of a possible disease and faking (feigning) happiness &
joy when I am around other people I worked, played, spend time with.
The sad thing about it is I have never
ever told anyone about this except my former
High School Nurse (just told her about "something there in my throat and that was all"). She just told me to eat fruits and vegetables.
But, honestly, I couldn't hardly afford to eat any fruits and vegetables and even to this day I'm breaking slowly out of those conventional, deadly food trends and I am trying to go organic very slowly.
Normally, if this was a seriuos matter, it would probably
be spread sexually unoprotected sex wise, go through openings, like eyes, nose, mouth, ears, or broken skin, or passed through dirty needles. But, this wasn't my case and has not happened to me. The reason for this (of me keeping this matter to myself)
is because I don't want to be discriminated on,
I want to protect my privacy of my health,
not deal & face with any kind of stigma whatsoever, not become isolated from society &
perhaps my own classmates, aquaitnances, authority & family.
This started when I was in the Bank of America on Little Creek Road Norfolk, VA. When I was waiting for
my relative to finish her banking business, I accidentally bumped
into the desk that is in front of the main entrance way in the bank.
My index finger collided with this reddish-like thickish particle and I
realized that I picked up someone's blood. I was pondering
and Nervous, scared for the whole 2-5 minutes thinking that I could catch
something like a bacterial or a viral infection the next day, or two, or three & I was thiskind of MY DEATH SENTENCE.
And today, this minute, I am scared that I might possibly die from this mysterious neck pain,
I keep thinking that I will never meet girls, travel around the world, serve in the military, pursue a career in computers, or music
or anything in that nature.
Then the next minute, I put saliva on my finger to see what effect it would have on the
blood I picked up. I heard that saliva is susposed to contain a special enzyme that is susposed to kill the radicals, bacteria, viruses, etc. on tact of the skin.
The finger that caught the blood sample, the pores were closed,
nor the skin was not broken. While I was in the car, I wrapped the possible contaminated finger with an antibacterial wipe, so no particles would go anywhere. The next 2-3 minutes, I was driven
home and I got out of the car quickly & I stormed into the bathroom ignoring everybody that was in my path. I was in there and I turned on the bathroom faucet, full force for the hot running water to come out,
so I kept my finger under there for around 4-5 minutes, hoping that the hot water would destroy possible contaminants from the blood.
By the time I was finished, I sprayed a little disinfectant on the finger and went back to normal. I did not feel any neck (numbness) pain the next day, nor the next day after that. However, Monday I thought
that I just had a neck cramp. Then the next day it went on. And that is when I knew that I was in HELL!
I don't know what to do. I have no one to turn to! Once again, I am ALL OF THE ABOVE: Scared, Shocked, Nervous, Guilty, in Fear, Depression, Angry and SICK (I guess)!
During that time, I didn't hardly have any health insurance. I even feared that if I made an immediate trip to the doctor, or hospital, they would check on it & if I tested positive
for their diagnosis, they would put me on MEDICATION that could DO HARM than GOOD and possibly kill me! Which would also lead me to a possible debt of medical bills! There's got to be a way to cure this never ending condition.
I thought about doing it naturally (God- given way). This problem happens to me like twice to four sometimes five days in a week. Once in a while, the neck numbness stops.
What am I going to do, world? Can I cure, or treat this naturally instead of killing myself? My neck just can't seem to rest! It's going on 4 years now ever since I had it, I'm afraid to say
anything because if I do, I'll face SEVERE consequences. I haven't really never went to a health store. Thank you.

Mike M.
michaelamurray1@yahoo.com

P.S. All I want to do is to get to the bottom of this, so I can move on with my life! Please someone help me! I'm not no bad guy, Lord, and I never want to be one. I just want to move on with my life.
and that's all. Around May 2008, I got tested for Hepatits B and C. I never had sex in all my 22 years on this Earth or used any contanimated needles. The lab results turned out to be normal, however, the neck pain still remains virtually every day. It occurs around the thyroid, (throat area) and at the side of the neck. I don't know what to do! Tweet