1.        RAGE:  Feeling tremendous anger over not having the power I have needed to control the well being and health of my loved ones.  Anger can be directed outwardly towards other people and in a split second we can redirect it inwardly.  In extreme situations, we see this in murder-suicide cases.  Since I couldn't and wouldn't direct my anger for my lack of power at anyone else, I usually directed my anger inwardly and ate foods that I knew are not only fattening, but unhealthy for my disease.  It almost feels like I do it as a self-destructive act.

2.        TO FEEL GOOD AND STOP THE PAIN! To enter into the altered state of euphoria, instant pleasure, away from reality, and no more pain.  This is probably the most addictive part of all. It leads us to greater problems than the ones we run away from.

3.        SUBCONSCIOUS OR CONSCIOUS DESIRE TO PROTECT OURSELVES from any feared suitor looking for a close and intimate relationship or of a molester as a result of unwelcomed threats and assaults in our past. 

4.          WANTING TO BE ACCEPTED UNCONDITIONALLY:  Regarding food disorders, since society sets very thin women as 'role models' for us to imitate if we want to be perceived as 'beautiful', such as models, actresses, etc. To be thin implies attracting others at a 'physical' level.  By the same token, to be overweight would then imply that we would be repulsive to others, and when people feel uncertain about the degree of unconditional love their partner may have toward them, overeating and getting fat may be the test of choice. 

For a person who feels unaccepted and rejected by others, especially over something we have no control, this rejection produces tremendous pain and consequently tremendous rage. Sometimes, we may opt to overreact and challenge others, especially those we love most, by indulging in addictive behavior to see if they will unconditionally not only accept us, but also still find us  attractive even as we fall into a destructive vice.

Just food for thought.  Hope you feel better,