Hopinso's Fabulous Heal All Health Tonic-Freely Given

To make the tonic from scratch:
A few days before the dark of the moon gather your supplies, dandelions plants, leaves, flowers and roots, at least a quart of the hottest peppers you can find, two quart jars and two pint jars with tight fitting lids. Some Ever Clear Alcohol or the best moonshine you can find in your area (sorta illegal in most areas), cheesecloth or some old worn 100% cotton sheets, latex gloves, knife, blender, distilled water, fresh lemons, a large seeded watermeoln

In the dark of the moon tear apart the dandelions and place in one quart jar, pour Ever Clear over it all the way to the top and cap tightly. Shake well and place in dark cupboard. Chop hot peppers (use the gloves for goodness sakes!) Place in quart jar, cover with Ever Clear or moonshine, cap, shake and store.

When the moon is full remove the jars from the cupboard and shake well, for the next two weeks shake vigorously several times a day. Always keep in the dark.

When the moon is again dark (new moon) prepare your tinctures. Line a seive, jelly strainer or collander with cheesecloth or old sheets-well washed of course- and strain the dandelions into a large glass bowel, gather the pulp and squeeze the pulp to extract all the goodness from the dandelions. Pour this into a pint jar and store in a cool dark place. Repeat process with the hot peppers, but be sure and wear gloves for goodness sakes. Store tinctures for two more weeks.

Buy a watermelon, eat and enjoy, save the seeds and allow them to dry in a cool spot.

Begin mixing and taking the tonic on the next full moon. Mix one tablespoon of dandelion tincture, up to 1/2 teaspoon of hot pepper tincture (start with less if sensitive to hot peppers) in a glass of distilled water. Place a fresh lemon in a blender along with a tablespoon of water melon seeds, blend until smooth, strain this into your glass of dandelion and hot pepper tinctures. Sip this slowly over the course of an hour or so. Do this daily for at least a month.

Meanwhile, build a bonfire in the backyard. Dance nekkid around this fire while swinging a dead squirrel over your head and singing the song "Mellow Yellow" made popular by Donovan in the sixties*

(*note-this procedure does nothing to improve one's health, but it does help make a person empathsize with the foolish feeling of spending hundreds of dollars for products that cost pennies to make and do little good except to enrich the person who sells it)

Seriously, the best way to improve health is by cleansing the organs of elimination and detoxification including the liver, colon, kidneys, and skin. This in turn help clean the blood by allow the body to naturally filter and remove toxins. When the blood is clean and balanced, then the body begins to heal.

If you don't want to make the tonic from scratch the get some dandelion in either dried herb or tincture form, get some cayenne tincture. The dandalion is for the liver, cayenne improves circulation, whole blended lemon is a natural laxative. Watermelon seeds stimulate and clean the kidneys. There are many good supplements, but not everyone needs the same things at the same doses. Once you get your liver, colon and kidneys working at their best, then you can fine tune your suplements and cleanses to meet your unique needs. Good health does not need to be overly expensive or difficult. Start with the basics, add a clean diet, plenty of fresh pure water and allow your body working with nature to determine your future needs.

While the dead squirrel dance is optional, please post any videos if you decide to try it. Tweet