I survived annorexia. Didn't think I would. I wish someone could have helped me. Maybe, I can.

I never had bulimia - not that I didn't try - because I did. My body just won't let me throw up. So I starved myself and exercised for atleast 6 hours a day - from age 5 to age 17. That's 12 years of starving and punishing yourself and desperately trying to recover. I'M SURE THAT IF YOU ARE ON THIS FORUM THAT YOU CAN RELATE. LET ME GIVE YOU SOME INSIGHT. MAYBE IT WILL HELP - MAYBE IT WON'T. I HOPE THAT IT WILL.
THIS DISEASE IS THE MOST FATAL MENTAL ILLNESS ON THE PLANET. And, honestly, most of the years that I suffered from it, I wished that I were dead; instead. You probably do, too. I never thought that I would ever not be anorexic. IF SOMEONE AS DEDICATED (wierd to say) AS I WAS TO THIS IDENTITY - TO THIS PERFECTIONISM - THIS SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT / AND/OR DISAPPOINTMENT FOR NOT "ACHIEVING" THAT PERFECT ANOREXIAN-ISM"... I related to that mindset - during my entire childhood-development. I understand THE TORMENT that this puts you through. So, THIS IS HOW I RECOVERED.
I got out of the situation that put me there. Basically, after being abused (in every way), I used social services and shelters to get the f**k out of the situations that pressured me to be "perfect" and never allowed me to be "a f-up" (like anyone else else is allowed to be). And, you know what? I discovered that there is so much pressure (ever hear of plastic surgery?) that make women feel like if they are not the perfect daughter, student, girlfriend/wife/mother - that these women feel like starving themselves is the only way that that they have control over the "FEMALE IDENTITIES" that they can be a part of...
Bottom line, I had to hang out with people who OWNED their own identities without the approval of people (i.e. the media, chauvanistic/misogynistic people) who would bring me down. Yeah, my issues of abuse definately contributed to anorexia. But, I would be lying if I didn't say that society was not confirming the abusive and misogynistic messages that I had "no say" about as a child when they continually portray these subversive images and messages in their ads, MTV, etc.
But, I would like to help whomever has anorexia, bulemia, or whomever has a loved one who is struggling to understand and wants to help their loved one. It's not so much an issue about vanity as it is an issue of self-hatred. It's very complicated. And, THE MOST FATAL OF ALL MENTAL DISORDERS. But, There IS HELP!
Now, that you know my story, I don't need to talk. I just need to listen... to THEIR STORY! I'LL LISTEN...I JUST DON'T WANT ANYBODY ELSE TO SUFFER. YOU SHOULDN'T EITHER... Tweet