I'll leave it to PZ to...comment...on some of your details, but, basically, you're wrong.
A standard Clark zapper circuit has an output current which is greater than 1.0 mA. As with almost all zappers, actual output current varies widely with the type of contact (wrist straps, handles, handles with salt water, foot pads, etc.), but scope photos on several (competing) web sites clearly indicate an output current greater than you say.