need some advice

hi all, i am feeling devastated today. i am feeling like i can't stand it anymore. those stares. those fake smiles. yeah, i have been through all this for about 3 and half years but in the past half year it has been so bad. in high school, there was only 18 students in my class, so we were really close to each other and they had never bothered about my condition. i know they could smell me but they still just accepted me and pretended to smell nothing. but now, at the university, i have to meet all new people. and as you expected, they are not very tolerant against me. ok not everyone, but there are some people who actually will get me really mad. sometimes i just thought that i want to kill them there, at that time, but they will think i'm crazy and throw me behind the bar, right? i don't know why i write this but i really need some lift up you know. i don't know, i just think that i'm tired of the cycle. go home,be happy, and the next day i have to face the same battle again. i'm tired! sometimes, i really thought that i could be an extremist and i would really happy if my boss tell me to be a suicide bomber. i really didn't care about my life. but i value my life now and i wish to finish my study. but those people just come to the way and ruin every single day! so many times i also thought how could god become so unfair? everyone else can live their lives happily while i'm here struggling to get rid of the disease alone. yeah, i know i can beat this disease but i just can't stop thinking about those people. is it so much fun to stare at me? i know that i have to endure this but i too have a limit.
i'm really sorry if this is a long post. but i really think that i need to write this before my eyes come out from their place. i'm also sorry if this post brings a negative or depressing atmosphere. i really need a lift up. please anyone tell me how to cope with this.