i got it...

i have been overwhelmed by my negative thoughts or doubts in my desires,
what I found what was happening was that when my conscious mind was
a little busy body it would flood my mind with so many,too many conflicting thoughts
and it made me doubt myself too much.What I noticed is that these thoughts
though as powerful as they are feeling at the time in creating doubt
in me,they hold no real weight in power except if they become habitual,
worry,fear,anxiety,confusion and nervousness..it all becomes an alavlance
of %¤#&!§-and it really f**ks things ups.

Though through intense negative states was I only able to see certain things
that I would have missed with a clear thought process,because my mind is
working on a different plane of thought,it's actually slower and more
self-absorbed,I see and FEEL everything that much more...only LATER ON,
am I able to see the true lessons,where as with a clear mind,I would have
never experianced them in the first place.Lessons are learned in the
valley,I call it the valley because of it's actual 'downtime' really,
in the gutter(the mind) so to speak.

But fret not! it's also those times where once the mind is slowed down,
relaxed and in that 'pause' of thought,you will see where you are able to
'choose' what to change and what to do in your mind,where as you may have
either dwelled on doubt or the negative,you can actually change your state
simply by changing your thought process in that time,that 'pause'.
I noticed that any negative emotion is fleeting,unless concentrating on it
vigorously,say when feeling hurt or even aroused,it clouds the mind and
so many things ,feelings are going on,you feel them and it's like,okay-
I feel this way,it must be gospel! not so..they are deceivers in thought,
feelings are that is..so many things that are going on,unless you are
really in tune they can get the best of you and make you think one thing
when it's really not or only your representation of things.

I notice that habitual thoughts and desirable thoughts are communicated through
different realms of thought,beta,theta waves i have no idea but they are just
different,say from being aroused and being excited.It feels similar but they
are not,to me at least.Aroused feels more calm and relaxed,it's more nourishing
a thought and feels like it feeds my mind alot more then those anxious,hyped up
and manic thoughts,though manic thoughts are either can be used as an artistic
expressive outlet or when erupting with a alot of info all at once when you hit
the nail right on the head,but it's NOT to be used when making decisions about things
or trying to figure out things emotionally,because the engine is revving in the
redzone when you really should only being going 30mph lol.

The calm states seem to dwelve into the psyche alot more and in time create
genuine desire and emotions,were as the manic states are best for in action,in body
time now- like when sports or doing things where requires little thought and
all automatic responses..in order for things to become automatic though,it must be
introduced in that calm relaxed visualization state FIRST before anything else.

It's important to recognize the states you are in in order to properly use them
to your advantage and not be at their whim. Slow thoughts and deep visualizations
actually build up emotional intensity over time,once surfaced becomes normal.
Action thoughts do the same but intensify actions as well as those moods/energy
once recognized in real time.But then I think ALOT and live in my head so this may
work differently then someone else that communicates through the world with their
emotions.

just my observations from ALOT of experience and experimentation, I have been at
this visualizing stuff for A LONG time.
(: