Re: My Fience was raped?

I will admit first hand that I am no expert on rape, rape victims or any of the like.  But what I do know about rape is that it is not about sex and much less about love, it is about violence, anger and intent to defile.   On the other hand, for most women, sex is about love.  I can see how after going through as shocking and intense an experience as a rape, a woman may need her mate to bring her back to a place of security, support and balance.  Many women become so traumatized by this kind of an event that they can no longer go back to normal lovemaking without some kind of therapy.  The fact that your girlfriend is wanting to make love to you seems to me like a very healthy thing, and that she is looking for that affirmation and love that a commited relationship offers.

On the ther hand, I am a little concerned over your hesitation.   You say that you know that you love her, and yet you don't know if  you should "jump to this just yet"?....  So what is it that you are waiting for to demonstrate love and support to the woman you say you love?!?   I can inderstand if you think she should have some medical atention first, but as you give very few details, it is impossible to know what good reason you would have to wait this undetermined period of time.

I hope two things;  One, that you will come back and offer up some more details so that it is easier to understand your point of view in light of the circumstances not yet given.  And two, above all I hope you are not the kind of guy who feels like his woman has been with another man and is hesitant about being with her simply because of it.  In the case of a true rape, the victim is completely helpless and not at fault for the horror that is being commited on her body.   In the not too distant past though, women were made to feel ashamed and guilty for that perpetration against them.    I certainly hope you are not secretly holding on to feelings of digust or ager at her for what's happened.  If you are, it could be a devastating blow to her at a time when your support is probably the one that she needs the most in order to survive this.  If this is the case, then I very strongly encourage you to tell her that you are having difficulty coping with this as well, and that you BOTH will need the services of a professional councelor to ride out the tide.   You have a right to decide whatever you want to do with your relationship from here on, but I ask you to do things in a kind and thoughtful manner.   Rape is a violent and tragic thing to endure, and the last thing this woman needs is the added rejection of a lover turned- off to her for what she could not avoid.   It has the potential of destroying her, or at least injuring her emotionally for a very long time.    Please, think long and hard, and if you can, try to put yourself in her place.