Re: I like the girl but...

Does the girl you're dating react kindly to people other than you? I've known of people who noticed their SO talked badly about others but were kind to them and they did not factor that in as part of who that person is.

If the answer is yes, she is kind to other people, then I'd suggest to continue dating her, and possible taking the strightforward approach to her friends. You could confront her, without judgement. If she still has some toxic people in her life, perhaps there is history or a lesson for her to learn or something else. You can let her relationship with them be, but also explain that you would rather not hang out with those particular people when possible.

After I became engaged, I had a very unpleasant surprise. My (then) fiance and I travelled to his hometown where we went to see his family and of course drink beer with his best friend - a favorite pasttime for him. As the evening of beer drinking commenced, I came to a very ugly realization: I do NOT like his best friend! At all. What's more, it bothers me a bit how he acts around his best friend. I did try to keep this news quiet, at least for the evening, but the moment we were alone, he was asking me what was wrong and I couldn't shake him. Darn fiance noticing when I'm not at my 100% friendliest! Shit. He just knows. lol

So for me there was no way around it, and he's let me know that the friendship is very important to him. Yes, they act like immature idiots and get drunk, but also his retarded friend has been there for years. Yeah, he's an idiot - and that is actually a lot of the appeal to my (now) hubby is that his friend is dumb + funny - but he is loyal and has always been there.

When we visit his hometown, my husband is sensitive to how I'm doing when we visit and I do my very best to be pleasant and not too impatient to leave. I also offer for him to go by himself so he doesn't feel pressured to leave early. I think it takes a mature connection to accomplish this: I never tried to influence his friendship or control it; he was not angry or defensive to learn my feelings and we both try to accommodate each other.

Maybe you'll find this story helpful. Good luck!