My story to freedom

Where should begin, well after reading some the posting it inspired and it allowed me to put things in to prespective. I hope all will continue to post. Its weird because I accidentlly found this site.

You see I have been in a on again, off agian abusive relationship for a total 6 years. I met him when I was 21 years old he was 32 years old. Things were alright in the begining as we all know. Anyways I have been through alot , wont go through all the details ( lets just say every time I look in the mirorr I see the physical scars he left behind). After 2 years into the relationships I had enough. After he had beat me I swore it was would be last one I called police and they charged him with asault. He went to jail for three months. Not having any support from family or friends, not because they did not want to be there for me. But because I was to ashamed, embraced and scared to let any one know or to let any in. I tried to handle all of it on my own. Anyways when I went to the trial I told the courts that it was my felt that I had started the fight and that I hit him too. A part of me was affraid that if I let the courts know what really happened he for sure, for sure would kill me when he got out (cause I had already made him be in there for three months). And part of me still loved him in some sick and twisited way i wanted to protect him. Well After that whole ordeal (year had past)I let him back into my life. Now looking back I feel SO STUPID!! SO STUPID!!. right after that whole ordeal I got pregant, I was 24years old and I felt more confused,scared and alone then ever before, everything was so overwhelming. I so wanted him to change and thought if i had the baby things would get better. Was I ever wrong and of course i heard all the statisics about abusers getting ten times worse when a women is pregnant but I so wanted to believe that they were wrong and that he was different. During my pregnancy he called me all the names in the book (fat slut, Fat slobe and hit me occasionally)

He would use the baby as way to make me feel bad by telling me I was bad mother. He had another child from previous relationship and he would do all these thing in front him. I went into depression. Of course he used this to make me out be bad mother, and that everthing was my fault, that I was troubled and crazy little girl (HE would always call me a little girl as though I had no clue what was going on).Of course he painted this picture to his family . One night he took my baby away from me after a huge fight . He cross the line, I finally called my mother and told her the truth told her what had been going on and she helped me get back my baby who was 9months old at the time and told myself that was it. He had tried to take away the only thing that met anything to me in this world,that was it I left him for good.

So I filed for restaining order and full custody of my son. I enrolled college, got part time job,got child care , saved up money for a car which i bought later on.Things were going good and a year had past. Things were getting easier and school was going well my family and I were begining to catch up since our relationship had been strained by him.

On 2006 I found out my little sister was murdered. My whole world came crashing. The gulit, the blame, the anger, ate way at all of us. I again fell back to into the relationship with my ex and its been hell since then. Why in the world would even think he would be there for me..I dont know wishful thinking?? I tried leaving many times after my return but got even harded. Because after my mother found out I return to this evil man again she swore she would never speak with me again. And so here I am today. The last straw this time was his 18 years old son (from previous relationship) shaving me after sticking up for his father in one of are arguments. I'm tired and dont want my son to grow up in this enviorment. After his son hit me I felt so humilated, and told myself that had enough not only was being abused by my ex but now his son was putting his hands on me. And so I got police escort to get my belonging from his house (I have my own apartment)and here i am now.

I ask myself why why have been going back wasting some much energy and time ..and I feel like its because I want him to get, just to get it, I want him to take away all this pain he has left in me .. But have to realize that will never be.. and boy am I angry... Anger is what iam... I dont want to him!!

Please continue to post and share your stories,your advise and thoughts they are inspiration and may god bless you all. Tweet