I need to get some stuff off my chest and maybe some advice...

Oh man this could be long. I meet a female a few years ago and we hit it off. I was just getting out of long relationship and was ready for something new. We started dating and we both fell for each other pretty quickly. Things were really good for the first year. There was only one instance were it was kinda weird. She was staying the night at my place and she said something condesending to me and I asked her what she meant by that. She said she did want to talk about it, I probably should have just dropped it but she eventually blew up and started yelling at me and it kinda freaked me out (maybe a little foresight into the future).

Anyway like I said things were really great for the first year. We had a lot in common and really enjoyed each others company. That is until one night a mistake happened, a pretty big one. I had accidentally gotten her pregnant. I was 21 at the time and she was 23. We were both really freaked out. We opted to have an abortion. Luckily, it was early enough to do the pill. We were given the pill and were told to take it on a specific time and date a few days later.

I am a musician and during the same time this was going on my bandmate/bestfriend was going through some really rough times himself. He was going through a divorce (and they had a kid too), the business he started was going out of business, and a close friend of his had just died in a freak construction accident. Playing performances in our band was the only thing that was keeping him sane. His friend that died had a family. My bandmate wanted to put on a show in honor of his friend that past away, and to raise some money to help out his family. The only conflict was that the date of the show was gonna be going on during the same time my girlfriend was supposed to take the pill!

I truly in a catch 22. I talked to my girlfriend and told her the news and also told he that I would cancel the performance and stay with her while she took the pill. She said I should play the show that she would be fine. So, I played the show and it felt great to help out my friend, and raise lots of money for the family. I left the shoe immediatly and go back to her apartment. The place was f**king trashed! The bed mattrice was totally off the frame, stuff just strune everywhere. I asked if she was ok and she said she was in emence pain. I helped clean up the place and took care of her some because of the pain she was in (she said it was like her period a lot more intense).

Things went down hill pretty quickly after that. I felt extremely guilty about the whole thing and she felt some resentment towards me for not being there. She freaked out one night was screaming at me saying some of the most demeaning things she could conjure up the she started punching me in the face, until I calmed her down. Things were growing distant and I could tell she started having romantic interests in other people. We were still together though trying to make things work. Over the next few months the fight became more frequent and I had a feeling she was cheating on me. I stuck with her though because I felt really guilty.

Eventually I got an email from one of my ex's who was talking to one of my girlfriend's ex's. The email was a copy and paste of their conversation was talking about how my girlfriend and him had slept together the other day. I called her up and asked her to come over (which she didn't want to and was bitching about it). She came storming in my place saying she was tired of my shit etc.. I pulled up the email and had her read it and tell me if that was true. She was caught red handed and confessed to not only that but sleeping with two other guys (one of which was a friend of mine). I was not shocked I pretty much knew it. She got real upset and said she was gonna kill herself and started being dramatic. It kinda freaked me out (because she had confessed to me actually tried to before we had met) so I had her stay the night so she didn't do anything crazy. Too top it all off I had a bunch of little red bumps all over my penis (which I later found out was Molluscum).

We did the on again off again thing for a few months until we finally broke it off for good. She told me it was the best relationship she ever had! By the end it was a f**king nightmare for me.

Over the course of the next year I did a lot of soul searching and research to cure my damn Molluscum (thats how I found this wonderful website). I started eating a lot healthier, working out, feeling a lot better mentally. I still would think about the abortion occasionally and felt really guilty still. We kinda kept in touch but if we hung out she usually just started saying really demeaning things towards me (she really liked to tell me how stupid I was). Later followed by an apology. This would happen a lot. I am always one to forgive and forget, so I always just blew it off and told he not to worry about it.

It's been about a year and 1/2 since we have broken up. I have not dated anyone since the break up, partly due to the Molluscum and partly just to get my head straight and get to know myself better. Over the summer she called me out of the blue in a jealous fit because she heard some girl, that she didn't like (and she doesn't like that many people) had a crush on me. Man, I like to have never heard the end of it. Going on and on about how stupid she was and how dumb I was, a long with lots of other demeaning things and crazy accusations. It was followed up later by an apology, of course.

She just recently moved to another state and got a job as a nanny. I was happy for her because she wanted to move for awhile and she is good with kids. I got call today from her and we were talking and everything was cool. She was coming in town to visit with family for Thanksgiving and wanted to stay with me for a few days. I was slightly hesitant but I said it was ok. Somehow the conversation took a turn and she start talking about how I embarrass her by the people I hang around and that they and I are stupid. I kept blowing her off, but she would not drop it, just kept going on about how worthless I am. I just was letting her talk, it honestly wasn't affecting me, then she brought up the abortion. I felt sick to my stomach. That is probably the one thing in my life I truly regret, just being in that whole situation. She is still really angry about the whole situation which I understand. I think her job as a nanny really got her thinking about how she really wants her own kids. I told her I was really sorry and that I wished it had never happened. The only thing to do is accept it, learn from it and move on, it's been 3 years now since that.

She said she was just angry and wanted to let me know. This was hours ago and I still feel sick to my stomach and have a headache. She still wanted to stay at my place though.(???) I told her it was a bad idea and that I didn't want her to, but she still really wanted to.

I think that our relationship is very unhealthy and I kinda want her out of my life. I have felt better physically and mentally than I have in years. Everytime she enters the picture I feel worse. I really just want to be friends but she is making it damn near impossible. I really don't want to burn any bridges but I don't know if I can take this anymore, it's driving me nuts! I was gonna hang out with a new lady friend of my tomorrow but now I thinking about canceling it because I am so freaked out by this craziness. I am so sick of negative people in my life and things have been changing for me over the last year. I have made new friends and had some new experience and outlooks that have been really positive for me.

So what do you guys think I should do? Like I said I really don't want to burn any bridges but I think it is time to sever this relationship all together. Any suggestions.

P.S. sorry for being so long winded.... Tweet