Re: Should One Leave, Or Should One Not Leave an NPD person?

I agree with this post, for the most part, however; an NPD can fool anyone, including a Judge. Most hearings in Family Court do not, in any way, resemble Judge Judy! After a few years on the Bench, most Family Court Judges become apathetic and do not hear, see, or compare the testimony presented in their Courtrooms and rule on the basis of Law, rather than common sense. NPD's are able to fool psychotherapists, Judges, parole officers, clergy, spouses, family, "friends," etc., depending upon how long and how willing an individual will be to accept their version of the story. Before the victim is even able to approach friends or family with their version of events, the NPD has contacted as many people as possible to circumvent any support-networking that the victim might attempt to initiate.

"Get your own checking account" is an excellent suggestion - keeping it secret and secure is imperative. Before securing one's own bank account, it might also be advisable to get a P.O. Box and have all correspondences (including those of attorneys, psychs, etc.) sent to the P.O. Box and NOT the joint address. Setting aside funds in secret is the only method of accomplishing what the original poster wisely suggests: by the time an NPD victim has made the decision to evolve into a Survivor and leave, the joint finances have been so manipulated and controlled with impugnity by the NPD that any deviation in the accounts will be noticed.

"If you can prove to the court that you are a good parent, you will have no trouble at all getting custody." This statement might have been true (hopefully) in the case of the original poster, but it is unfortunately not the norm as many Survivors will witness to.

"Proving" that one is a "good parent" in Family Court isn't as easy as it sounds, particularly if the NPD has managed to hire a better attorney than the victim - which is often the case. Male or female, the NPD has the ability to chameleon him/herself to whatever is required to appear "normal." I lost my job, my apartment, custody of my children, and all of my personal savings due to being a "good parent" by attending to the needs of my eldest son. There is much more to that story than space allwos. Suffice it to say, the Judge did not take any of this into consideration after I had the choices of being homeless with my son, taking my son into Section 8 Housing projects (NOT a viable option with an already troubled teenager), or surrendering him to his father.

It is quite true that, if one is able to leave when children are young, the odds of the children experiencing a healthy upbringing are dramatically improved. And, even more importantly, the original poster offered the best advice possible: TAKE YOUR KIDS WITH YOU!!!! No matter what the circumstances are, no matter how difficult one thinks it might become, or whether the NPD has vowed not to pay a nickel in child support, taking the children is MORE than imperative.

I did it the hard way, without the advice of counsel and without support from "friends" or family. It's my hope that my mistakes can help other victims to make better choices.

Best wishes.

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