Hang in there Sophie. You're doing fine. You gotta take the good days with the bad. I must say, for english being a second language you have quite a way with words!

as i stated in my other reply i think that, if you dont mind me saying so because i realize all of the painfull emotions you are feeling, but i do think it is so beautiful (if that is even the word i'm looking for) to read everything you write. and it is so heartfelt. everything you write i feel but you write it in a way that i think anyone could relate to.

i also love the fact that you write how you feel. i am not going to offer advice or condolence for a post like the one that you wrote, but would just like to thank you for writing it. writing things like that i'm sure or at least hopefully makes you feel better or even a feeling of release, but they also help me think and realize that i am not the only person with thoughts like that.


anyways

hopefully your luncheon with your friend turned out good the other day. red wine is good and i do like hummos. you'll have to write about it.

when you wrote about you sitting outside the coffee shop sitting and thinking about things and other people and whatnot, reminded me of myself the other day. for the first time ever in my life i went into a little indonesion restaurant and sat by myself. instead of feeling insecure and alone i felt ok. i sat there and looked at the little restaurant and thought that it was alright for me to be there and i loved that fact i wasn't at home where all those evil thoughts in my head tell me to hurt myself and eat until i can't even think anymore and then throw it all up. i just sat at my table and quietly ate and thought. i thought about a lot of things and yes it went through my mind the whole time that i shouldn't even be eating because i'm big enough, and that i ate that day and all my usual battles, but after awhile they went away.

honestly, i dont think i'm even going to have a completely natural relationship with food i'm always going to battle myself, but every day can also be a learning process. and i can always try and do my best. i agree with you when you say that i am the master of my own life but so unprepared for it. the best that we can do is try

be well and write soon i miss your posts

again, i am sorry for not being around but i have missed it. reading and writing these posts hoenstly helps me get through a lot, if not most of my days. i hope that doesnt' make me sound too pathetic but at least i am honest to myself for once =)