An apple a day... 
princess farfala
17 y
1,594
Allo! Its now 10:30pm and I'm copying some words I wrote this afternoon.
Bella, BlacknGold,
Of course, anybody is welcome in this conversation but I'm writing both your names cos I feel a special bond with you after having exchanged about ED, fasting and anxiety.
Picture that: A warm day in Canada, I'm sitting in the shade of a huge tree (would it b a mapple tree?!) I've been walking in the nature so my mind is pretty clear. When i left home this morning I knew I'd spend a few hours in the park and brought some water a snack and some uplifting music. Feels like an adventure! I'm eating an apple, Fuji are my fave, crunchy, not too sweet. Apart from the ferocious wasps that are driving me mad, I'm actually feeling content.
Now Ashley. I dont know where you are at these days. You've been asking about MC, juicing, colonics, water fast...and what about those Watermelon shakes? As you may have noticed by now there are numerous school of thoughts on the matters. The minut you start asking around you get all kind of feed back. Some talk out of sheer ignorance, others from what they picked up in some books or telling you what happened to their aunt's sister in law's best friend as if it was wisdom! Of course lots are also talking out of genuine experiences. I used to be so damn confused. Never knew who to trust until I tried stuff myself, figured what worked for me. There must be some basic rules but I'm sure there are as many ways of detoxing as there are people.
My question to you is: would I be a good friend to encourage you to go on a fast? I mean, we both know you've been having issues with binging and purging...
These last few months, with my degenerating state of mind, any kind of fast has truly been a set up for a massive binge.
Please dont go thinking that I'm gona judge you if you follow your own mind. Experimentation is the best way to learn. Anyway, who the hell would I be to tell you such a thing as not to fast when I myself did a few long water ones, lots of juicing and the Master-Cleanse for 50 days!
All through the winter I've been "arguing" with my doctor about the fact that only fasting could solve my problems. I'd sometimes walk out of his office thinking how ignorant medical doctors can be when in fact I was the one with a closed mind, refusing to believe that food could be my medecine.
We may feel our bodies are toxic but mind over matter, we must work on our beliefs and relationship with nourishment.
I only wish we could go for coffee and talk some more.
BlacknGold, apart from visiting your kinesiologist, is there anything else you do to conquer the anxiety? If I may ask, in what form does it come to you? Are you currenly working or taking any meds? I only hope things will calm down for you.
It is now 11pm. Today I only had the apple I told you about and some shelled hemp seeds.The thought of it makes me feel happy and worried. Now I must relax, take a deep breath and think before my next move!
My heart is with you. Peace to All. Sof*
- Re: An apple a day... #69242
17 y
1,425
This is a reply to # 958,730Hi Sophie,
Glad to hear things are well. I tend to agree with you about fasting. i don't suffer from an ED, but ultimately everyone has to learn how to eat properly. Fasting can be a great cleansing protocol, but I am not sure how effective it will be to someone who suffers from an ED. To me, it just seems like putting off coming to grips with food, but I too will not judge anyone who does it. Everyone has to figure out for themselves what works for them. In terms of me, I work. I am a forester so I get to spend lots of time out in the woods getting exercise, which is nice. I see plenty of Maple trees. I am 39 and have suffered from mild anxiety my whole life (without realizing it), but it has gotten really bad the last 4 years. I was on an aspirin regiment for awhile and ended up bleeding internally for three days and since then my health has been in decline. My anxiety really started after this episode. I personally think it may be related to deficiencies in certain neurotransmitters, such as epinephrine, serotonin, dopamine etc.
I had an adrenal test done that involves a saliva sample and it came back that most of my neurotransmitters were low. Some anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs work by increasing your serotonin levels. My anxiety starts in my stomach area and then is like a wave that goes up to my head. It is over in a split second but it is a physical feeling. It is there constantly running in the background, but I can feel those waves from time to time. My kinesiologist can put his hand on me on a certain pressure point and see that I suffer from type 2 anxiety. The anxiety itself doesn't bother me that much. It is not severe in the sense that I don't suffer from panic attacks, but what it does it completely depress my immune system, which makes all of my problems worse. That is why I need to conquer it. I am seeing my kinesiologist in two hours and I am going to see what he says. I am on some supplements, but they aren't making it completely go away. They definitely have helped - the anxiety is less then when i first started seeing him. Back then the panic waves were more fequent and severe, but I know this is killing my immune system so I want to see if he has anything stronger. Anyway, nice hearing from you! Stay in touch.
Tommy - Re: An apple a day... bella12984
17 y
1,451
MoreThis is a reply to # 958,730hello!!! i'm sooo sorry i haven't replied in awhile. i've been moving all week and its been just crazy. i miss reading your posts and also writing. i promise i will get back to them tonight when i get home from work. hope your doing well!!!!
talk to you soon
ashley - Re: An apple a day... bella12984
17 y
1,481
This is a reply to # 958,730ok ok. i must apologize again. i just worked a lot and haven't had the time to post. i actually went out last night with some friends from work for the first time and it was kid of nice. i haven't gone out in so long it was rather nice.
you are right to quest whether or not it's right for me to even consider if i should go on a fast. i think about it all the time. i ask myself if i'm just unconsciously giving myself a reason to binge. but honestly, even since i've been at this new apt, hopefully i'll be here for awhile as i am very tired of moving, i've already had a couple accidents and as i went out last night my sister found my secret stash of food wrappers from my last purge. i really dont know what to say to her. i feel so awfull but there is nothing i can do about it now. i'm honestly so tired of being controlled by food, or more realistically letting myself or even letting myself think i'm controlled by food. i have just had it. i am starting a fast today to clean myself and then i'm going back to my raw food diet. i want to do at least ten days, really fourteen but i'm not going to push my body and believe that when my body has had enough it will let me know. i honestly believe that this will be the only way that i can heal. i have to at least try it . if i can clean my body and then allow myself to eat "clean" or alive food then i will not be tempted to poison it. there was a brief time in the last two years where i followed a mostly raw food diet, about 80-85% as i occassionally used store bought dressings non raw nuts and alcohol with soda water or diet pop. i loved my raw food diet and was the healthiest i've been in a long time. i stopped it because i ended up getting out of my apt and moving around and my life became crazy, not to mention my boyfriend and i breaking up which was a huge blow to my ego (sorry but it was the truth and i cared for him a lot so it was a hard time for me).
anyways, i miss communicating with all of you and sorry if i rambled on and on.
you have a beautiful way of writing. its very poetic and heartfelt and sometimes it's hard to realize and believe that english is your second language. i myself have such horrible writing skills and i am not proper whatsoever, and tell me if it is hard to decipher my horriblem use of the english language lol.
write soon
- Re: An apple a day... #69242
17 y
1,425
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