OK, my wife made a comment to me last night concerning, well, my bat and balls (penis). According to my wife, I have spent a good portion of our marriage with my hands in my pants. No, I am not talking about masturbating, just the hand in the waste band, or the occasional shifting of the scrotum....

Anyway, this was the discussion.

I stated that it is a very different world when you have a penis. It's not only I, but most men "re-position" their wiener hourly.

This is not done out of pleasure, nor security, but necessity.

Please understand women of the world, you have nothing dangling between your legs. Our skin flute is exposed to the elements, blowing in the wind, getting thrown back and fourth between our thighs, its brutal I tell you! Women on the other hand, simply have some pubic hair, big whoop. It might as well be a desert in women's groin area (tumble weed rolls by) compared to men, who, on average, have six inches of man flesh ready for action in a moments notice.

Yes, I said ready for action, even though our soldier is under constant warfare by two aggressive thighs pushing it back and fourth, pubic hair entrapping it, flying balls, small children (waist high) running and yes, the occasional zipper. Women, every time you see a man today, you can bet, there's a war raging in his underwear on an hourly basis. Warfare I say!!! It's why we have our hands in our waist bands, our hands might have to deploy in a moments notice. Time is of the essance here ladies. It's critical we are in and out without any pain. The mission? reposition the soldier and get out fast!

We do not mess with our penis for pleasure, no not at all (well most of the time), we my dear sisters of the world, have to move things around from time to time. We have to:

Tuck it, lift it, shift it, squeeze it, stretch it, roll it, detangle it, move it to the left, move it to the right, push it and pull it.

You ask why? Because from time to time things can get messy down there. Our pubic hair gets rolled into our foreskin, our balls get tucked in to much, our wiener gets pushed back to far....it'ss a real pain at times. But just as women have to deal their 28 day cycle, men have to:

Tuck it, lift it, shift it, squeeze it, stretch it, roll it, detangle it, move it to the left, move it to the right, push it and pull it hourly.

Now women on the other hand, well, you just don't know what's it's like. You have breast. Yes, what a hassle those must be. Actually, a lot of women choose to have them made larger their such fun to have. You will never see a man wanting bigger balls to impress women.

It's why there are more men wanting to be women. It's so they no longer have to:

Tuck it, lift it, shift it, squeeze it, stretch it, roll it, detangle it, move it to the left, move it to the right, push it and pull it daily.

And on the rare occasion a women decides she wants to become a man. She will quickly tire of having to:

Tuck it, lift it, shift it, squeeze it, stretch it, roll it, detangle it, move it to the left, move it to the right, push it and pull it hourly.

In addition, men have to deal with morning boners. Women, imagine waking up with a cucumber fully erect between your legs. Now imagine trying to go to the bathroom. Once you get to the toilet it's impossible to pee in it without having to:

Tuck it, lift it, shift it, squeeze it, stretch it, roll it, detangle it, move it to the left, move it to the right, push it, pull it and yes, the occasional cursing.

Women, try walking around with a cucumber in your underwear for a day, an hour and see how many times you:

Tuck it, lift it, shift it, squeeze it, stretch it, roll it, detangle it, move it to the left, move it to the right, push it and pull it.

Yes, I do have a very close, intimate relationship with my flesh buddy. But after you spend 18 hours a day having to:

Tuck it, lift it, shift it, squeeze it, stretch it, roll it, detangle it, smell it, move it to the left, move it to the right, push it and pull it.

you too will feel as though you have found your soul mate/twin flame.....its magical ....tissue please....