I feel like writing this here as I can't think of anywhere else in the world to purge the full story about my situation.
For the last five years I have been housebound with agoraphobia(fear of the outside world or just fear in general due to constant panic attacks for no reason). It began to be debilitating after my best friend died unexpectedly.
It has been a very difficult time as not being able to earn money is extremely hard.
I have been blessed with a kindred spirit who has helped me more than anyone in my life. My boyfriend. I really believe I would have done myself in if it wasn't for him.
Soooo, the last year I have spent doing self recovery. It started with me removing medication from my body. It is amazing how much of an improvement this was.
Then has come the mental work.
The mental work was difficult as I needed a reason to be out in the world again. It is also hard to expose yourself with little or no money. I really couldn't find a reason to leave the house.
After months of small, but amazing for me, journeys out of the house I started feeling little bits of my original, lost, interests.
I had at my disposal, access to a photographic studio in the heart of the city. The reason I was never able to use it was because I didn't have a camera.
My boyfriend really wanted to help me out so for my birthday we pooled as much money together as we could, did some really hard haggling at the shop, and got me a digital SLR.
The thought of the gesture brought tears to my eyes. Not even my own mother would do that for me. I was so excited about having the item which represented my reason to get on with my healing and start a career at the same time.
Things were going great. This was November.
I started doing some great shoots with friends to build my folio and my confidence, to move onto shooting strangers.
Well.....This week I had been doing some work in the day time(working with my boyfriend at his work, safe zone). See, I have spent the last five years home all day, everyday. This week I was leaving the house all day.
We came home to see that we had been robbed.
The back door had been forced open.
My heart sank as I knew what would be missing.
Nothing had been touched. It looked like no-one had come inside except for one thing missing. The only valuable thing worth taking.
My camera bag.

My recovery from agoraphobia realies on a positive attitude. I feel like a I am really squeezing myself to see the light in all of this. I am again sitting in the house feeling no reason to leave.
I am still in disbelief some so called person has walked into this house an taken my camera. It was so hard to afford.
I don't know how to put this into perspective.
The house contents are insured but I don't know if I will be properly reimbursed. I had ten years of gear collected in that bag.
It is a material item but it represented my life in this world. The reason to get on with things.


Anyway, I wanted to put my little story out there. I don't tell people I am agoraphobic and I find it embarrassing. Only two or three people know.
I really want the thief to know what they have done. I guess they don't care. It was probably about the next fix.


Sorry if this story is boring.