1m 19 and have previously been hurt really badly by what i would call my first love he was an older guy with a girlfriend and 2 kids.I was young and naive to belive this mans lies he manipulated me as a person which i still feel very angry about.I cwas youngf and innocnet when i met him.As he took my voirginity i now find it hard to trust new people.The relationship i had with this guy affected me badly.I now feel dirty at the thought of sex bacause of the way he made me feel he cheated to be with me and he wasnt completly mine.I think if i was thinking like i am now i wouldnt have gone anywhere near this man as it has degraded mew so much leaving me feeling guilty.there is this new guy in my life i am attracted to him but not sureif its forthe write reasons atlhogh im young i want to be with someone for a long time not just for a fling.This newc guy is rough around the edges and soft on the inside,THERES THIS SPECIAL MAGIC BETWEEN US WHICH IS HARD TO EXPALIN.it feels like i have known him for years,hes tall deeply special with a common accent somneone i class as being from a normal background being from north london,smes values etc.Yet t6here are thiongs getting in the way bi am very insecure and also live at home with an overprotective father.The guy i am seeing is 25 cso theres a 6 and harf year age gap.Im proibly drwn to him as he makes me feel protected,hes into boxing so i know he can prtect himself,Hwe carries simular traits to my father with the way he will talk hes not a violent person but can handle himmself well.this guy has already met mu father,who i am frightend of as he has hit me in the past.What im trying to say is that my new boyfirend has a big past he too has a child from his previous relationship.It makles me insecures as idealistlcy i would perfer someone without attachemnts.I am having so many doubts but feel there is this special bond between us when we are together.WE CAN ALSO BOTH BE PRETTY QUIET AND STUBBON AT TIMES THEREFORE SOMETIMES WE HAVE TO GUESS WHAT EACHOTHERS THINKING,i FIND IT HARD TO TRUST AGAIN AND DONTB KBNOW IF THIS IS TOO SOON FOR ME,he hasnt pushed me into anything and we are taking it slow which is goood i suppose.I feel insecure asd i havnt really been in a rw
real realtionship before where as his last one he was weith for 5 years and experienced childbirth,i feel he could never lovwe me in the same way.Maybe hes too old,maybe the fact he has kids isntr ideal,My bigest worry of all is my father already they are sizing eachother up ,i dontb want it to cause troble with the family but i do care for this guy alot as we come from simil;ar walks of life and relate to him so well feels like i knowmn him for a long time like he is already family.