he said her name not mine? 
#28340
20 y
1,083
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As my bf and i were leaving a resturant he says "hey Deidra wait up" (totally not my name)as he was getting the check paid. I say "what did you just call me?" and he didn't even realize he had done it. He said he just wanted to get me to hold up really fast so he didn't have time to think the phrase through. He went out with Deidra before me and even has a son with her. She has been this pain in my side because she will always be in his life.
Question is does it mean something that he called me his ex-gf's name..and subconciously at that? He went with her for 4 years and we've been together only 8 months. I'm sad and upset.
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- Re: he said her name not mine? Ev
20 y
1,109
MoreThis is a reply to # 666,917If this is an isolated case I would let it go, if it keeps happening than perhaps you should re-think this relationship.
One thing that we must acknowledge is that everyone has a past, and that past effects us and molds our life. No one can just forget past experiences, so we must allow for the past to come up and deal with it as necessary. Sometimes it's not fun, but unless it is a real major issue don't let someone else's past affect your happiness. Just think of the future and the present day that you have with your bf - after all you are his present right?
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- Re: he said her name not mine? Gala
20 y
1,075
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Dental work and fillings, not a problem.
This is a reply to # 666,917Oh, you know, I don't think that it is such a big problem, it doesn't seem he meant it to hurt you. If he has been living with her for 4 years, he just had developed some automatisms, but that doesn't mean that he misses the other woman.
In the other hand, try not to be jealous and accept that he has had this woman in his life before you, you can't take that away, but that's over now, so don't bother about it. - I wouldn't worry - unless it happens... likefasting
20 y
1,002
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I have been with my present husband for ten years. I was with my exhusband for 15 years. When I get frustrated or stressed during a conversation/argument I sometimes call my husband (Dan) by my exhusband's name (Tom). I have also accidentally called Tom by my husband's name. They both get a funny look on their face and then keep going. They know I am just getting mixed up. They also know I am getting stirred up!
(I have to keep associating with Tom because we share custody of our son. He is almost 14. Four more years and I won't have to talk to Tom as frequently! But he will never be gone until he is really gone.)
My grandma used to get all the kids names mixed up. She would have to name practically every kid (and there were many) before she got the name right. I do that now, too. It seems to increase as you get older.
Realize that your ex was trying to catch you and stop you before you went out the door. The name slip came about by his mouth engaging before his brain finished sorting. It may happen again and it won't be too big a deal then either. If he calls you her name in bed you may have an issue. The funny thing is that he will probably call her by your name someday!
One time my husband called me "Michelle". I still don't know who she is and he claims he never knew anyone named Michelle. My name is Patti. I'll never figure that one out. It still makes me think he is crazy.- Re: I wouldn't worry - unless it hap... joshua45
20 y
1,152
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This is a reply to # 666,925It's all a matter of perspective. Maybe he was thinking of The Beatles... Or their song "Michelle". Hence, in his mind, you're his 'bell'.. See... you can make it be anything you want... A betrayal, association, or a positive. (hehe.)
If I were you, I would 'grill him' until he confesses.. LOL. Seriously, you are right.. it does happen and 99% of the time its just a 'brain fart'. Obviously, our partners 'may become offended or experience all kinds of feelings based on THEIR issues. The Point is.. it is THEIR issues. Its amazing the power of perception, judgements and feelings that DISTORT reality.- Sometimes being "Michelle" sounds mo... likefasting
20 y
1,004
This is a reply to # 666,944Uh oh. We're getting into a totally "other" area. Role playing and fantasy!
If you knew the way my husband's mind wanders and switches, you would know that "Michelle" could have come from the last television commercial he was watching...
Anyway - Donna is the only other woman he slept with! If he called me that after all these years I am afraid I would be making a doctor's office appointment to get that Alzheimers evaluated. :)
- Sometimes being "Michelle" sounds mo... likefasting
20 y
1,004
- Re: I wouldn't worry - unless it hap... joshua45
20 y
1,152
- Re: he said her name not mine? steaming2
20 y
1,020
J.Crow’s® Lugol’s Iodine
Free S&H.Restore lost reserves.J.CROW’S®Lugol’s Iodine Solut...
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Dental work and fillings, not a problem.
This is a reply to # 666,917Don't worry about it...Your his future, she is in the past..I'm sure he ate there before....Might have been thinking about is child and the childs mother came out.... be happy! - of course it means something. mtnndeww
20 y
1,016
This is a reply to # 666,917Advertisement
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”The formula you guys have developed is so gentle, unique, and effective.”
The guy has a long history with the other woman, not you. He slept with her, dined with her, lived with her, and made a kid with her. Either you accept the fact that you're a "shared woman" or you get on down the road and find a guy with no baggage. Why women settle for guys with loads of baggage I'll never understand. Life doesn't need to be this complicated. I know what I'd do...- You may have hit on the real issue likefasting
20 y
999
This is a reply to # 666,942After only 8 months of being together the real issue is his past. She said the other woman and her bf's past with her really bother her.
Depending on the age of the people involved here, unless they are very young, it is unlikely to find too many people who don't have some kind of a past - especially a sexual past. I know from my own experience that a person who has a lot of love and sex in their past can be difficult to deal with. Particularly if they like to talk about it!
On the flip side of the issue, I moved from a relationship with someone who had a lot of romantic and sexual experience and liked to talk about it alot to someone who had very little of that type of history and experience. Sometimes I wonder if he should have experienced more in the past so he could know himself better and make better choices - instead of just taking what "fell into his lap".
My point is that sooner or later suspicious people (yes - me!) will start worrying about the past, no matter what it is. She has to learn to differentiate between whether this is truly a past relationship or an ongoing one. That could take a little bit of time to figure out. There is some risk involved in being with a person who has had children with someone else and that is always obvious from the outset. There are some people out there who are very good at handling joint custody and past relationships. That could be a good sign for the new relationship, because they have learned a lot and try hard to be rational and emotionally stable.
She just has to observe and give the relationship time to truly identify itself.- Another flip side... Ev
20 y
1,128
This is a reply to # 666,946There are plenty of people out there that have baggage, I would make a guess at 99% of the adult population has some kind of relationship/sexual baggage. So that is true and we have established that fact.
Now, for something else - at least half (if not more) of those adults know how to deal with that baggage and have dealt with it through maturing and putting it where it belongs IN THE PAST.
Did you know, that a relationship goes a heck of a lot smoother if you don't bring your past relationships into the present? There is usually nothing that needs to be told to the present bf or gf. You don't even have to say how many relationships you've had or who your ex's are.
Granted there are some instances where that cannot be done - usually because of children. But, the children are the present and the future NOT the relationship that produced the children.
Mistakes should always be allowed though...heck we are human and make mistakes on a daily basis.
Think the best of your bf, and give him the benefit of the doubt. Just use some wisdom too....after all only you can truly know what is going on in your mind and heart. But life is a lot easier when you aren't suspicious and jealous...keep reminding yourself that you are the one that counts and you are the present. Be positive.
- Another flip side... Ev
20 y
1,128
- You may have hit on the real issue likefasting
20 y
999
- Re: he said her name not mine? cjmantiss
20 y
987
This is a reply to # 666,917Advertisement
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”The formula you guys have developed is so gentle, unique, and effective.”
if him mentioning his ex's name upsets you then you have a long journey ahead with this guy. for pete's sake, he has a child with the woman; if you want a lasting relationship with this guy, you're going to have to deal with her being in your life. and if you're upset that he called you by her name . . . . (sigh). you have a choice to avoid a laundry list of headaches or get over them (leave the guy or stay with him). i occasionally call my fiance by my baby sister's petname (b/c i have so many pet names and they're all so similar) and that's b/c i used them so frequently - meaning, they're on my mind. apparently, her name is on his mind; the only question is why? if it only happened once every blue moon i wouldn't see it as a problem, but if it occurred too often to be ignored i would be concerned. if that were the case then i would confront him about it and share how i felt about that. as a result, if he begins to make a conscious effort to change his behavior then you've got a good guy on your hands, but if he's defensive about it and doesn't see a need to change, then he doesn't respect your feelings and you should leave. again, if you don't mind having to put up with his child's mother then have at it, but you're not doing the best job coping with his freudian slips of her name, so that may be something to think about.
- Re: he said her name not mine? Ev
20 y
1,109
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