I have to agree with both of you. I dont smoke in the house or on my children and don't smoke in front of my partner either. I nevertheless, want it to be my decision when i stop and need him to accept me either way. I just worry when i feel the need to keep secrets like this. As a child, I was always scared to speak the truth, and admittantly am not a child anymore, yet still carry the same fears. I wouldn't say my present relationship has a control issue, but past ones certainly have and i believe this is a pattern of mine to choose such men. I would call my partner bossy at times and he likes to get his own way, but i also know that he would accept any final decision i make.

Here we go with old crock about our 'right' to do whatever we please.The problem with that is that noboby lives on a desert island.Every action that we take has an impact on others and our challenge as adults is to assess that impact. If our behaviour has a damaging affect on our partner we have an obligation to change our ways . In the 70's and 80's it was common for psych students to be taught that nobody hasthe right to tell another what to do. Fortunately we have learned since then that we also have a right to protest others bad behaviour.I have a view that
we do have a right to demand that others do not act in a way that is destructive or damaging to our wellbeing.If that demand does
not succeed then I teach them to choose to leave the relationship
or alternatively, put learn to up with the offending behaviour. When most people realise that they do not have to suffer other folks selfishness, they often dig in and demand change.
To pressure a spouse of a partner to quit smoking is not a control issue -it is a self protective health issue.
Folks who have health problems from cigarette smoking and alcohol abuse consume about 80% of the total health resources which are directed to treatment of substance abuse.That is a lot of doctors and nurses time which could be directed to the treatment of other disorders. PLease do not try to lecture me about freedom of choice and your precious rights -while ever we live in a community we need to get a balance between our rights and our obligations to others. By the way, I live in an area where it is compulsory to wear a seatbelt when driving ( $105 fine for non compliance) When this ordinance first passed, there was the usual whining about liberty and freedom to choose.We got past thatand grew up .The wearing of seat belts reduces the fatality rate signicantly -so what does anyon gain by NOT wearing one? Or do you just not like the Govt telling you to buckle up?
Generally I like your replies.You have a fine grasp of most core issues, however I think that your belief that a demand to quit smoking is a big bad control isue is way off the mark.

That is bullshit Jac! It is a person's choice to start smoking cigarettes. It is a control issue that her boyfriend has. If her boyfriend really loves her-then he'll love her with her cigarettes as well! Keep on smoking girl!