No, my friend. I don't know why you have the notion that the word secure is only used to denote financial security, but money was the furthest thing from my mind. I'm referring to emotional security.
But I tell you what; I'm going to paste something written by someone else on this forum that I think says it all better than I ever could, and here's to you.I pray it helps you:

"I don't think that women have no interest in sex; in fact, most of the women I know are quite sexual creatures. They all, however, have little interest in unfulfilling sex.

Then again, so do guys, but since they're usually in the driver's seat, they at least manage to achieve orgasm. They do not, however, have a clue what they're missing by being that self-centered.

Most such guys (and their unfortunate spouses or partners) have no idea that women are perfectly capable of ejactulating, and they'd be startled to see it occur. It takes a woman who's really comfortable with herself to find it, however. A man who merely uses a woman for mere personal physical pleasure will never take his partner there, and it's unlikely that she'll want to go there with him. What a jerk.

I take exception to your suggestion that it is more work to achieve orgasm for you (or women) than him (or men). Now, I admit that there are many women for whom this is true, but it's NOT WORK! Sheesh! If he thinks it *is* work, then he's just plain nuts. It's an amazing journey for a couple to go on together.

Unfortunately, society has some serious issues (different societies have different issues...) with sexuality. Men are taught early on that knowing their own sexuality or being curious in any way is wrong. Men aren't allowed to find out what they are capable of, and until they do, they rarely make good lovers. Most heterosexual men have a lot of hang ups. They really don't know what their own bodies can do, and they don't know what a woman's body can do, either, because they've rarely been given the opportunity to explore it, and they've been too timid to tell society to go to hell and explore it anyway.

Being in love is just the ticket to reach that point, however.

Porn doesn't help matters much. I have yet to see any porn (not that I've seen tons, mind you) which accurately depicts a couple *in love*. (Perhaps there's some amateur porn out there which fills this niche...) As long as "regular, heterosexual" porn is all young men have to teach them about sexuality (and admittedly there's a lot more, but I know too many guys for whom porn is the primary educational vehicle), guys will think that sex is all about male ejaculation, and they'll be baffled as to why their partners don't moan in that completely fake voice or do anything else even remotely resembling what they've seen in porn -- assuming they're even paying any attention to their partners at all!

As a result of all this, women are often called upon to teach their partners about the female body -- and the male body! Many guys would be startled to find that their own bodies are just as capable of experiencing the same pleasures that women experience (guys have nipples, and a G spot, and virtually all the same nerve endings that women do, and can go just as weak in the knees for a good kiss), but that's a hurdle that some guys may never jump -- especially since anything but "missionary position" (do missionaries have sex?) is taboo.

Real love making is about surrender (at least in this stage of my game it is -- I'm not exactly at the end of the journey, so I reserve the right to change this opinion later...). The rules and taboos, to me, seem like one of life's little ways to figure out whether or not you're love for each other is greater than what "everyone else thinks" (as if it were any of their business, anyway).

Well, enough of that soap box. You need to be able to discuss these things with your partner, and he needs to be able to discuss them with you. Like it or not, women are generally the stronger sex (there's a reason men don't give birth...), and you get to "be the teacher".

With the right partner(s) (*grin*), being "teacher" can be really fun.

REALLY fun."