My best friend, and boyfriend breaki... 
CaliSurf17
21 y
2,022
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So, me and my boyfriend had a relationship for over 2 years. Things were excellent when we started going out, it was like we had finally found eachother. Before him, guys weren't an option. I had too many cheating and just mean problems before him with guys. Well, anyhow, the point is I really love him, but he abrupty broke up with me about.. 3 days ago. For the past 3 days I've been in hell because, he never gave me a true reason. He was hiding something, but I know he wasn't cheating on me. We have talked since then, and man, it is hard to get things out of him, he doesn't like to open up. Well, he wants to take a break he says things aren't officially over completely yet. He showed me his journal, saying "I never wanted to show you this, but maybe it will clear things up" and it had all this stuff about me pissing him off and just him irritated at me. I'm thinkin, is that IT? Why hadn't he talked to me? I wrote him a long e-mail, (this is the communication method we've had for the last 3 days) about how I figured out the problem. I believe that we need to talk about our problems, because...am I not right when I say in relationships, there is no perfect one? People need to work things out and talk about issues. We never did this! I really want to give it another try, and I hope after our break he realizes it too. Someone, please just..give me something, some kind of advice to get me through this hell. He was my best friend, truly. I have no one now. I'm totally alone in this prison of heartbreak.
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- Re: My best friend, and boyfriend br... dyemundluv
21 y
1,733
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This is a reply to # 594,905He might be your best friend, but he certainly should not be your only friend. Rule #1 -don't ever put all your energies into one person, especially a man. Don't you have any good girlfriends you can talk to? Hummmm....
Well, I honestly do feel sorry for you. Obviously, he didn't take into account how the break up would affect you...being his "true love" and all. To me that seems pretty selfish of him...to just up & leave...saying that it's not "offically over completely yet" -what nerve.
Honey, the only advise I can give you is to gather up all his stuff, gifts, notes, letters, etc...put them away & cry it out. I know it's been hell, but it didn't have to be that way if would have just opened up to you...that doesn't make any sense, whatsoever. Seems like to me that he might not be "offically cheating completely yet" ...but I bet you a million bucks that he has his eye on someone else.
Get out, get a massage, go to the mall, call up an old friend, take a walk, go the pet store...love on furry animal, work out, go to the movies (comedy)...I have been where you are, and it took time...but what helped the most was moving on, and not allowing my ex-bf to dictate my feelings by keeping me on a string.
The best communication -is no communication at all. Ever hear the old saying "I can show you better than I can tell you". Don't call or email him from this day forward. If he wants to talk, tell him that you are busy.
It will take time, but you'll survive. Be Strong! I will pray that God sends you someone with HIS heart to love you.
BE STRONG!
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- Re: My best friend, and boyfriend br... CaliSurf17
21 y
1,551
MoreThis is a reply to # 594,906Hey, thanks so much for your input. I guess I will need someone telling me to use my brain and not my heart. It is hell, as you know, it just feels like there's something I can do to fix it. He didn't cheat on me, he didn't stop loving me. I'll figure it out somehow, and try my best to be strong. Thanks.
- Re: My best friend, and boyfriend br... dyemundluv
21 y
1,612
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This is a reply to # 594,908That's the problem w/us women (smile)...we always feel like we can fix/change something. Don't waste your precious effort.
I have a hard time believing that he loved you, the way you loved him. Sometime what people call love, is not love at all. See we as human's should CHOOSE to love...love is not a feeling or emotion....all that 'meshy' stuff is eurotic/attraction -meaning that it's on a soulish level- we love with our 5 senses. But in the spirit, love is something so much more powerful...it accepts a person for their faults, puts them first, considers their feelings, being their in the good and bad, and offers encouragement.
I personally don't know all that your relationship entailed...but you do.
Consider for yourself.
- Re: My best friend, and boyfriend br... dyemundluv
21 y
1,612
- Re: My best friend, and boyfriend br... CaliSurf17
21 y
1,551
- Re: My best friend, and boyfriend br... Music_man05
21 y
1,597
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”This program is probably one of the best on the market, especia...
This is a reply to # 594,905If you want him to come back, put him in a corner and give him an option like its now or never. Either tell me the real reason, or we are done for good. If he really loved you he would confess. If he doesn't then you wasted the 2 years on an a*shole. - Re: My best friend, and boyfriend br... ocean
21 y
1,705
This is a reply to # 594,905wow cali! you are rigtht when you say people have to communicate in a relationship! you are way ahead of this dude.
i had something similar happen this summer in cali - i even spent day and a half on the bus to get there to see him to work thigs out and show i care...but the more effort i put in the more it seemed to irritate him and he broke it off. he was my best friend and what he called partner in life for over a yr. long distance love, but i was convinced it was true love...and then one day bam! it was gone...like nothing ever happened? very confusing.
so saying all that, i feel for you, and you need to go on and focus on your life and what YOU want out of it rather then get directions from him. he seems he doesn't know what he wants or maybe has a hard time talking about his problems with you...a lot of people, guys and girls. maybe you touched upon something deep and aching in him he's not willing to look at in himself...at this time...or with you...who knows. i think maybe let him know you are there to talk if he wants it if you are trully best friends. but for most part if he's grown up he should be able to figure out his stuff and let you know where you stand and why. if he can't...move on. you just might be too good!
be good to yourself and don't blame yourself too much! hugs.- Re: My best friend, and boyfriend br... calisurf17
21 y
1,710
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This is a reply to # 594,914Hey. THanks so much! THat's exactly what I'm talking about. I'm so glad someone can relate to me. I felt like, well I knew my guy was different, so I thought it was just him I needed to work on. I'm really glad you can relate, thanks so much. It's tough though, living in the same town. It's not long distance for me, so everything around me reminds me of him, cause I'd go everywhere with him around here ya know. Songs on the radio and things, seems like they're all about love. It's like the world's trying to make this as hard as possible! It seems like the worst situation of breakup. It's my fault, in a way, but in a way it's not. It's his fault. He cheated me out of a relationship. I was thinkin about that today, it's like he just wanted to rack up bad things about me without trying to work them out, make me fall more madly in love with him, thinking everything's all good, then just..up and go blaming everything on me! Bastard!!! Seriously, why would you do that to someone! I do love him though, it's hard to let go, like I'll never stop loving him. He was the exception, not the rule. What I mean by that is, most guys you know, he was just different than any guy I have ever met, extremely special.
His last gf, I remember talking to him about it...he said the reason they broke up (around the same time we did as far as timespan) is because he didn't love her like he loved me. He really loved me. Now, though, he's saying "The same thing happened with her, she grew too attached to me" It's like, WAKE UP BUDDY it's you!!! You're the one screwing us ladies over, acting like you love us, lying to us! AHHH!!! I hate how it was all so FAKE! Like he enjoys breaking hearts. Just does it for sport.<---wow, see. that's the reason I loved him so much, because I thought he DIDNT do that. Thought he was the exception to the rule of the heartless man.
One last note here, he explained to me even well before we were going out that he didn't have feelings. Is this possible? He says he doesn't feel. I think he just doesn't know what to think. He says he hit rock bottom and just stopped feeling emotions. NO ONE acts that well though. I've looked into his eyes and seen him when he hugs me, and how he tells me I'm beautiful and loves me, no one sees that side of him but me. I just, this boy is a difficult one. I know that he is special, different from other men but, that's probably why it's just so hard to try to get advice. I'm likin this forum thing though, I'd probably be banging my head on a wall over there if I hadn't found this place. Thanks again, I really appreciate this it's helping me a great deal.- Re: My best friend, and boyfriend br... ocean
21 y
1,785
This is a reply to # 594,916hey huh, it's like you are writing my story :-)
everything reminds me of him, especially what i love to do, which is to surf. he surfed all his life btw, and for me it was a way to forget and recharge, he was my partner in so many ways, now its a painful way to remember...but i'll get over it. he's not the only guy in the world who loves the ocean and has same interests as me.
of course it's hard to open up again to someone because he knew me so well i felt really comfortable being myself around him. so many thing i feel cheated out of now, we worked together too!
i have to rebuild my life. and i am. and so will you. i feel better as time goes on. sure i go up and down, but for now im putting away those things that remind me of our love (?). the best thing to do is to surround yourself with your friends, work, and take focus on yourself. you sound like a very giving person, sometimes we give too much. sometimes the giving blinds us to the truth because it feels so good that we don't want to see the reality that we CAN'T change people even if it's for a greater cause.
about 'not feeling' - i think your x really has some intimacy issues. like fear of rejection and fear of committment. he might think that it's better not to feel anything then to feel the pain that comes with life. that is something he's gonna have to deal with himself and no one can help him with it. he's gonna keep placing himself in such situations to awake himself and keep running from then again. maybe he will wake up. maybe with time you will be able to be friends again and laugh about it, maybe it's best to write him completely out of your life. but for now try to think more. what is the logical thing to do, rather then feel the memories.
btw, sometimes what men (and women) call love is the need to be cared for...which is not exactly love. they will say i love you to get things. to feel things. i guess its a start, but it's very one way. these people are very insecure and the moment they feel like they are standing on their own feet again they no longer need to feel that love...and no longer need you. you end up getting caught up in a trap of caring for them, feeling needed (which we mistake for love) and then boom, it's gone and you are left standing there with THEIR baggage!
you are strong cause you are not afraid to love, and you will get more clarity on this as time goes on. i am.
:-D
- PS! ocean
21 y
1,760
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This is a reply to # 594,919people like that (who need to feel love to fill a void and then move on when they are full) are constantly on a rebound! they bounce from one relationship to the next getting their fill of love and then moving on before they can get hurt. i don't think they are interested in sticking it out through the tough. they are only in for the icing on the cake - weather they know it consciously or not that is what happens!
women like us need to stop blaming ourselves for failing to help them!
hugs. - Re: My best friend, and boyfriend br... calisurf17
21 y
1,588
This is a reply to # 594,919Wow. I just want to say that over this past week I've gone from "this is hell I'll never get over it" to just forgetting about it like you said and things are getting back to normal. That feelings thing makes a lot of sense. I've figured out by now that it's his problem. Not feeling ya know, and he did tell me when I was asking what went wrong and all that stuff when he broke up with me..he said "I just wanted to be normal, cause I'm not", not being like...not normal as far as having no feelings is. It is messed up though ya know, we were tight, really tight. It just slipped away I guess, I was drowned in loving him that I didn't realize I wasn't "fun" or I was "effing annoying, pissing him off" It's so nice to know that someone else had the same situation though! Like I said before I think, in the beginning I was like "ahhh..this is totally messed up no one will go through this kind of messed up depression!" But man, I was wrong.
Heh, so ya, I'm like...completely in love with the ocean also. I try to surf when I can but I need a new board, right now I'm using a horribly old 50/50 with one fin and it's tough! My ex, he was more of a camping man, but he liked to come up to my summer place and hang out by the water. THe more I think about it, it's probably for the best. He's leaving a little while after Christmas to join the air force for 4 years. I knew we would eventually break up but...not this way. That's probably something that frustrates me the most. I just wanted to spend the rest of his time here together you know but it's screwed up now. Especially x-mas....grrr, I'm sick of being alone on x-mas. Well, I'm getting through it though, definitely much better than a week ago. Thanks a lot for your help, I'm here for ya too. :0)- Re: My best friend, and boyfriend br... ocean
21 y
1,629
This is a reply to # 594,926well, there is nothing worse then dragging things out. and since he is leaving, maybe it's better sooner then later that it's over? christmas is over hyped anyway...! you don't have to be alone - spend it with your friends, or family or volunteer at a soup kitchen or something. you don't have to be alone unless that's what you need.
you are free now to do what you want for yourself and don't have to waste any more time, investing (sorry, i don't really like that word) time and energy into something that won't be.
i was thinking about 'MEMORIES' today and their use, and i don't wanna be bitter but came to the conclusion that they are pretty destructive when you are trying to move on. it's especially destructive when they say lets be friends and look back on memories we had. it's hard to enjoy them when they have so much love attached yet we are not able to make them real again. past is past, memories are the past. i think if people need to live in memories its cause they can't trully face the present moment and enjoy it for what it is. i think writing them down and burning em works to forget for now... maybe in the future i'll be able to enjoy them but for now i want to be free of the past...
it's really comforting that i'm not the only one too, it also gives me great joy to help and share my experience knowing it makes you and people in our situation feel better!
- Cornering him... CaliSurf17
21 y
1,623
This is a reply to # 594,928Hey, thanks again. I'm gonna throw something out that I want to get an opinion on first before I go and do it. I'm thinkin about going to his work (the only place I'll get to see him, cause of time.) Or, I could wait and ask him if we can talk on saturday when he's free or something. Anyhow, the purpose of the discusion is basically me saying "Okay, give me an answer, do you want to get back together or not." you know, little things on the side also, like "do you see it happening after we take this break" and what not. Because last time I talked to him this break up wasn't for certain. I'm going to mention stuff that I know now, for instance, how he's afraid of commitment. Actually, that's what I need help on. What should I say? Should I touch upon that or would that be too sensitive. Hmm, now that I think about it. The cornering question, instead of "getting back together" Should be do you want to keep in touch. Cause right now, I'm feeling like he went about his life from the moment he hung up the phone after I cried my heart out to him, without a care in the world about our situation. I've give him.. 5 days now..is that too short of a time? All this confidence you and others are giving me about moving on is making me want to, but I need to know if US is still possible. So, could someone answer some of these questions I have, that would be great. Thanks again ocean! and everyone else, I'd still be feeling like 5 minutes after the breakup if it wasn't for you!
- Re: Cornering him... ocean
21 y
1,651
This is a reply to # 594,929cali! why on earth would you want this guy back after what you just went through???
are you still trying to fix him? you can't!
how exactly did you part? i think that should explain what to do next.
if YOU need a closure just tell him that, that you need closure and you want or don't want to stay in touch. it's up to you what you want from a relationship, not what he decides - a relationship is about the wants and needs of 2 people, not only his! if your needs/wants match then you will have a relationship if not then it won't work. but don't do it at his work, be discreet about it or you will be the one looking bad.
- Re: Cornering him... ocean
21 y
1,651
- Cornering him... CaliSurf17
21 y
1,623
- Re: My best friend, and boyfriend br... ocean
21 y
1,629
- PS! ocean
21 y
1,760
- Re: My best friend, and boyfriend br... ocean
21 y
1,785
- Re: My best friend, and boyfriend br... calisurf17
21 y
1,710
- Re: My best friend, and boyfriend br... dyemundluv
21 y
1,733
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