Have your current wife call Dr. Laura. You may think I am kidding, but I am completely serious.
We men can lecture, and talk all we want, but your wife will get a real earful from Dr. Laura.

I impatiently listen to her each morning, before something good comes on, and I hear her take this particular call from both the husband and the new wife 3-4 times a week, mostly from the new wife.

Her jist will be, the new wife chose to marry a man who has taken on responsibilities towards his children. She new that when she met you , or soon afterwards. Feelings arose, but all that time you dated, she knew you had children. Now she must be courteous, and willing to share. Period. This situation was consistently clear, and known to her. Additionaly, Dr. Laura rebukes a woman for feeling threatened by fine qualities of love and responsibility in her husband.

The children do need to see some good old-fashioned self sacrifice for their benefit. That is what being a parent, and not just a sperm or egg donor is all about.

I truly suggest you tell her to call Dr. Laura about this, and tell her you will do whatever Dr. Laura says. Women love that, but the Doc does'nt play around, or get too manipulated too often, so I believe your risks to be few.

Mark

Just be true to your self, your own nature. Get in touch with that part of youself that connects and feels and you will know what to do. Once you decide, try not to get side tracked by other's life patterns. They are patterns for that/those individual/s to deal with and can only be pawned off on you if you accept them as yours too.

Well, right now I am myself in a position of your new wife. My husband has one child from that marriage and the child stays with us. I have no problems with that at all (with three kids it would sertainly be tougher). She takes him during weekends.

Sometimes, as you said, he jumps when she asks him to (helping her with different problems), even though there is nothing serious. Oh, yeah she is the mother of his child. Sure.
But soon I am going to be a mother of his second child, so who is going to be more important then? I understand your new wifes worries very well.

In your situation I suggest you should clearly explane to your new wife that your only concern is your children and their well-being. That if your don't take the kids when your ex wife asks you to, she is going to ask somebody else to take care of them while she is partying. And that it is obvious that it would be much better for the children to stay with their father.

You can not change or make your ex-wife more responsible by not taking the kids when she can't or does not want to be with them. You will not punish her, she does not care. But the children may feel unneeded.

It is also important to let your new wife know that it is all about children. She may feel jealous and it is natural.

Good luck!

Take it from a new wife who is dealing with this issue. You need to cut your ex-wife off!! Surely you must have some sort of parenting time set. If this is the case then it's pretty simple, You should have the children during your parenting time and if your ex-wife chooses to leave the children with other family members or friends during her parenting time then she's only hurting herself...
Your new wife is going to end up resenting not only your ex-wife, but eventually you and your children.