Pornography seems to offer to men a variety of "options" they feel they don't have when their are with their spouse. Intitially, this may satisfy their senses, but in the long-term it decreases their ability for having a deep, meaningful, emotional exchange. Like most other addictions, the addiction to pornography in whatever form leaves the man unfulfilled because of this lack of emotional exchange with his partner. The lack of loving exchange creates an emptiness in his heart which he feels he can only fill through physical arousal and external stimulation. In due time, like hot spicy food that can desensitize the taste buds, he will no longer derive enough pleasure from just one person's sexual appearance, but must have multiple options, more and more. Behind all this is insecurity, sadness, and inability to love himself. With pornography, he cannot give of himself, his love, his devotion, his passion. There simply is no loving response from a computer monitor. Without an existing love bond between two people, sexual intercourse is but a superfical taking game; the giving is merely based on self-gratification, and always leaves one empty-hearted.

Your husband must have had great many insecurities when he was little. He points your insecurity because he doesn't see it in himself. His ability to truly love someone else like you depends largely on how he sees himself. You cannot force him to love you more when he cannot really appreciate himself. When he sees women as sex objects he can use (mentally or physically) to derive sensory pleasure, it is because he is lonely in himself. You cannot fill that emptiness, he must fill it himself. You are not helping him when you try making yourself available in this way. He must make a choice between loving you or not loving you. Loving you would imply that he also loves himself and honors his body, including his sexual organs. It would be best if don't have intercourse with him under these circumstances. If his love for you has died or was never really there to begin with, it cannot be rekindled by having intercourse with him. You cannot blame him or yourself for this, but you may need to honor your desire to be with someone who truly loves and respects you for who you are, physically, emotionally and spiritually, something you deserve.

Andreas