Hello,

This is my first post and I just want to thank everyone on this site.

I've been struggling with Depression for almost 13 years now. I'm 27 now. I've had many thoughts of suicide, especially when I was in High School. My Depression is directly related to my complexion. I have horrible cystic acne, blackheads, whiteheads, redness, damaged pores, just sickening. I have the kind of Acne thats inherited. It didn't go away after puberty. I haven't looked directly and honestly at a mirror for many years. I would either look from a distance or get extremely close so I wouldn't see my face accurately.

To mask my depression, I would eat a lot. I abused food. I've never smoked, drank, or did any drugs in my life, because my drug of choice was food. Food seemed to be the only thing that would hide my problems. If I don't eat, I feel this void, this sense of hopelessness. I would go into withdrawl. Like a drunkard that would reach for a bottle, I would turn to food and stuff myself.

The more junk I ate, the more it aggrevated my acne, the worst my Acne would get, the more depressed I would become, the more depressed I would get, the more I needed food to comfort and drown out my sorrows It's a vicious cycle. I also gain weight which made things worst.

My Acne has affected every area of my life. I have very little confidence, poor self-esteem, no love life, very reclusive. I don't like public settings and I don't want to socialize with anyone. I feel trapped, its taken over my life. I feel like I can't go anywhere. For example I would go on a daytrip with my friends and by the fourth or fifth hour of my outing, I would develope new pimples and whiteheads. Everyday I get new breakouts. I feel like I can't go anywhere, or be around people, especially people I know. I hate being around girls for extended periods of time. I've never had a girlfriend and only been on a handful of dates. I feel like my acne has choked away and deprived me of a normal life.

I'm not writing this for advice, because I already know the root cause of my problem. I have a toxic body and a horrible lifestyle. I need to apply what I've learned that worked in the past and from the info in this forum. Fasting has helped me, herbal cleanses have helped, exercise has helped me, rawfood lifestyle helped me a lot. I went raw for 3-4 months and it helped me tremedously. I just need to get back on the wagon and do those things and try new things I've learned. I'm reading about zapping (ordered the $10 zapper), I going to do some liver flushes.

For me, there is no permenent cure. It has to be a total lifestyle change. Lifestyle, that's the hard part. That means everyday, week, month, year. Can't use food to hide my problems. If I could take a pill or use a lotion to solve my problems I would do it in a heartbeat, but unfortunately those things don't work for me.

In my opinion, even if I zapp, cleanse, flush, live a rawlife, and do everything right, I still won't be completely cured, it would only get much better and better is good enough for me.

Any support or comment are welcome. You guys are the best.