that's pretty much how i felt when i first cut myself. i didn't really think about what i was doing...i just did it. it was pretty recent too...like a couple months ago. but it didn't get really bad for me. when i cut myself, it never bled...it was just enough to make a mark. i also never thought i would do anything like this. it just happened ya know? well, to stop, usually when i feel the urge to cut myself, i distract myself. things like making something, drawing, jogging, writing, typing, playing an instrument, calling someone, making collages, ripping and popping bubblewrap (believe me, that's a fun one), and stuff like that might help you. they help me. to help you stop altogether, try to find the root of the urge to self-injure. what made you want to cut? what did it make you feel? are there any grudges or things in the past that affect your life today? just try to find out why. the real issue is not necessarily you cutting yourself, it's more about the reason behind it. cutting is usually an expression, a way to let out or see your pain or maybe it makes you feel in control. i first cut myself b/c i felt like i couldn't control anything in my life. i felt kinda boxed in. have you told anyone else about this? what helped me was being able to "vent" and let it out by writing and talking to the few people who know and that i trust. hope this helps. take care ok?
praying for you