Hi, I am looking for an anorexia buddy. Throughout my life, I have always had anorexic friends, now I don't and I really miss that kind of connection with someone who really understands and who really has the same frame of mind. I am 28. I am a classic anorexic/ eating disordered, as far as the causes, my family, my past, etc. ED's are not just about food but I do really want to look like a model. I don't vomit. I exercise or starve. I want to try to do this as healthy as possible.
I'm 5'5" and my goal weight is first 97, then I'll try 95. I would love to weigh about 92-93, eventually, but I don't know if that is possible. Maybe that would be too skinny to be attractive. Right now I am still 'round'/fat... I messed up my body cause I had some problems that made me turn to food for comfort. I am over that now. Bulimia is way worse than anorexia, I hate it. I have been eating normal, not excessively. I stay under 1000 calories a day most of the time and I eat only certain foods... my weight loss has been 1 lbs a day like this... kind of slow.
I'm starting an all-liquid diet from today on, of 400-800 calories a day, I do want to get some nutrients in there cause my teeth are somewhat demineralised. I am also orthorexic, and I eat mainly organic vegetables, some lean protein. I gotta get back to exercising again. I used to do 2-8 hours a day.
I really need an anorexic buddy... I feel so alone in this. People don't understand anorexia at all if they don't have it, and my husband doesn't understand me. He demands the best out of me, yet he gives little, and mainly material things really. He loves me but even he tells me that I looked amazing and hotter when I was skinny (when I weighed 97 lbs). Sometimes I think all men are just perverts cause they all dream about their girl looking like they are 14-17 years old when they are middle aged themselves. I agree with him but it still pisses me off... I used to always have guys tell me they wouldn't mind at all if I would gain weigth, they weren't so uptight about it, and I was the only one pushing myself to be thin. It worked for me like that. Even when I weighed 97 lbs, my husband would be so obsessive about my body... telling me not to eat chocolate or whatever, cause he was so obsessively afraid that I would gain weight like his ex did, and that my 'beautiful, pure, young body' would get fat. This whole thing threw me off cause I was used to people telling me I am too skinny or that I looked anorexic...this usually would motivate me and make me feel proud... He was very controlling and neurotic and I got depressed for a long time, and turned bulimic (!) for a while, gained 15 lbs...YUKKKK. It was my worst nightmare to gain weight and I made it happen. I just didn't know what to do. I think it was a combination of me not being able to deal with my emotions, me hurting my body every time my husband hurt me mentally, me feeling the need to feel unconditionally loved beyond just looks, me not having a good relationship with him beyond sex, me being angry with him, me not having enough space and privacy, no social life, etc. I survived this situation and we are still together. He does love me unconditionally, at least I know that much now. He has changed a lot for the better.
I have slowly recovered from my bulimia now, and I've been eating normally (dieting, no crazy binges), and I am on a less-than 1000 calorie-diet for now. I want to lose weight fast and lower my calories and up my exercise.
I am looking for an anorexia buddy past 30 or 40 years of age, cause they are more experienced than teenagers... and they have more knowledge and tips, and have had relationships, etc. Let me know if you want to write emails back and forth...! Thanks for listening. Any comment welcome.

Love, Your ANA FRIEND.