hello,

anyone out there able to offer some thoughts on this quandary? i was going out with a guy i love very much for six months, which is long term for me. we became very close quite quickly and i grew in confidence as he was quite loving and made me feel beautiful and wanted and he helped me a lot emotionally. At times I couldn’t quite believe my luck and sometimes felt insecure, but as I’m heavily into astrology and we are the same starsign I felt like I could understand where we were both coming from.

Although we never really argued, there would be some tension over discussions dealing with his female friends. I had no problem with him having friends, I have plenty of friends of the opposite sex, it just seemed his behaviour seemed to be inappropriate for someone who wanted to be exclusive from the beginning.

A month ago he broke up with me. Things had been tense leading up to it but I put it down to the fact that he was preparing to meet his long time penpal from overseas. In fact he had told me quite recently how he was really in love with me. When his friend returned home he broke up with me citing different communication styles as one of the main reasons. There was no anger, just a lot of hugging and crying by both of us. I gave him back his things and said we can’t be in each other’s lives. He looked back as he left, I don’t think the finality had occurred to him. the next day he was waiting for me outside my house and he said he was beginning to think he’d made a mistake and he did want me in his life and was scared of the lonliness.

We went out a few days later for his birthday and I made one last effort to try again. I said he could be with someone who really loved him or he could sit at home and feel sorry for himself. I think I almost had him but then he told me how messed up he was at the moment. His friends joined us later on and I realised how we couldn’t see each other as it was only making us miserable. He reluctantly agreed, this time he didn’t look back. The hardest part was saying no when he asked if he could call me.

I broke the rules a week later as I had a crisis in another part of my life and felt like I had to make peace with myself and speak to him. I felt better afterwards. Later on he called me to ask me on an outing with his friends. I agreed but then at the last minute when he called back, I changed my mind as I wasn’t ready. Three weeks of not seeing him, just when I was starting to get him out of my system, he called out of the blue at my work cos he really wanted to see me. I told him I had resolved never to just let him go and never to see him again and he got alarmed at that thought.

I still feel that there may be a small chance of us trying again and I think the best way of doing that is to detach myself rather than being clingy, let him do the chasing. On the other hand, I feel I should tell him the truth, that realistically we can’t be friends. we got together so quick, we were never just friends and I don’t want to be always hanging around in the hope that we’ll get back together or to have to listen to him tell me about a new girlfriend. I just want to remember him how he was when he was with me and having had the apart time, I’m more prepared to risk never seeing him again then to have an awkward and forced friendship.

I’m confused by the mixed signals he’s giving me but because I believe in fate I can’t believe that this is all he came into my life for. I’ve taken great comfort in listening to a lot of my friends who’ve broken up, sometimes more than once and gotten back together.

I’m sorry this is so long but I would love to hear from people who had second chances and were successful. If the problems he said were true, I don’t think it’s anything we can’t work on, unless of course it’s deeper than that in which case, he will just have to live without me in his life.

Thanks for reading.

C.F