I feel cheated at this moment, still, after 5 months. I have a lot of anger in me and I don't know what to do.

I keep wanting to do something really bad to hurt him as he has hurted me when I found out he took one of his female staff to Paris 5 months ago when I was still naivelly believe that we had something nice going on. I believed what he said to me about us. After I found out the pic in the album that carried all the sweet pict they took during their Paris trip, Then I finally realized that all the lies and the strange behavior he said and he did when we were still going out.

After I found out the affair, I didn't know what to do but only disappeared. It hurts to much and still. I was cutting my wrist to try to easy my pain that was casued by this man.

I have nothing aganist that girl who I also met a few times. But the whole thing just purly digusted me. When we started dating it was when he just broke up with his ex-gilrfriend who is also his business partner. He was really down that time, and I myself also went thru a bad long marrage that time. We kinda seeks comfort from each other. From not like him at all when we first had business contact to start falling into him personally but stop immediately once I found out his secrect office romace.

It is such a long story and I just want to get rid of him and his affair from my mind and my life. I don't like to think about them everyday, it is really not health. Their office affair just disgusted me while he was telling me he didn't want to hurt his ex girlfriend but in the mean time he is cheating right under her nose with their mutual empolyer. I regreted I got myself involve with this. It seems I realized he was a jerk after our first day to beach and he had me take train back to the city while he went out with his friend to strip club. But I gave up too easily when he insisted wanting to see me after I wanted to call it quick after out first date out. I should have insisted and I shouldn't let this unhealthy relationship last for 6 months to cause more pain and demage.

Even I have thought of revenge by telling his ex-girlfrind about what I foud ( that will really kill him), but I have the same idea for a long time and I haven't gotten to do it. I was afraid to hurt more people. But in the mean time, I am still full of angery and sometimes do afraid I will just go ahead to do so. But I think not, I am not like him. He has done so much heartless things to me and to his ex-girlfrined. Right now, I just want to get rid of his images and name completely from my mind and heart.

It was a dirty mess that I regret and wish I was wiser. Have him as my 1st love affair has taught me a lot about good and evil.

Need advice and tips to let me get over this asap. Need to move one.

manythanks.

Rouge.