Hello. I'm in a desperate situation, married since 6 years with 2 children ( 8 m and 3 y). The life with my husband is at the moment a living hell. I want to divorce him but I can't because of financial reason( he is the provider and I'm a home staying mom) and because I'm afraid I will loose my children duo his lies and manipulation. I'm also in his country with few friends but no family. His family support him and believe all the lies he is telling them. His parents even have pushed me away in our apartment a few days ago, while having my daughter in the arms. I can't tell nobody about this as I have no prove and nobody would believe me the nice old people could be capable of such things.
Anyways, after reading more about narcissist condition I do find my husband fiting into this personality : all he cares is to win, he belittled me, treat me like a sclave, try to alienate our daughter against me, have no remorse, no shame, no quilt, he cheated I supposed many times although I didn't catch him exactly cheating but I found messages, sex forums, secretaries, teen p 0 r n,he tried to have affairs with 3 secretaries but each time he denied and told me I'm crazy and paranoia. I suppose he have an affair or flirt with one of his secretary at the moment as the together living had started to drastically degraded since January when she came in his office. Since then the life is a roller coaster with ups and downs. 2 weeks ago died my father and I traveled to prepare his funeral witch was a totally disaster. He told me I'm only stress for him, accused me of having abandoned my children and went to bury a man is already dead since 3 months ( he was in vegetative state for 3 months). From the moment I left the house to drive to airport he called me once letting me hear how my baby cries and he didn't want to pick up the phone 2 days while I was abroad. I manage to speak with him only throw my cleaning lady and that was it, no answer, I didn't know nothing of my children, I got the totally silent treatment like each time something is not in his convenience. I was so upset that I come back and didn't attend the funeral. At home was a disaster. He told my daughter I'm a bad mom for having abandoned her and her brother, he told the same to his parents, that I did not organized nothing and left after half hour I found my father died ( of course was a lie, I asked if I should take the children although he never allowed me to travel with them visiting my parents and country( not alone not with them), I asked him if the babysitter should come, I told him she will anyway come the next day and he shouted and declined everything. Then he lied to his parents that I abandoned them, that I didn't call and many more.
He lately treat me like a sclave that must take care of house, children... I can't go out half an hour because he calls and shout to come back and take care of children because they cry.
My dilemma regarding if he suffer or not from narcissist disorder is because he loves the children, doesn't treat them ugly but he doesn't like to do much with them. He speak lovely and make things only a few minutes and while lying in bed, NEVER outside bed. Ignores them if they want something from him while he is busy ( writing on Facebook most of the time offending EVERYONE does not agree with him, playing on computer, smocking). He makes things with them as long as it fits his wishes. He won't most of the time go to buy breakfast if they are hungry , won't bring our daughter to kindergarten if he has no appointment in the office at 9-10 am ( he wanted to let her home because he doesn't want his daughter telling him when he must wake up and go to work...). He would even ignore or don't want to hold them in the arms when he is offering me the silent treatment ( I suppose because he want to punish me having to do EVERYTHING alone). BUT, he is not ugly verbally with them. What do you think?
I'm so desperate, stressed and I really make an effort to stay sane because my children need me.
I apologize for my bad English, but is not my language.