To clarify:  after the woman had contacte my younger son, and myself, she deleted both her FB page and her Skype account, and now communicates with her mother in Russia via some sort of Russian Skype Equivalent.

Suddenly, after the complaints, everything was wonderful.

During the Skype and FB communications, she asked about my eldest son's past and steroid use and clearly stated that they had been trying to concieve a baby, but had been unsuccessful.  THEN, when she came up pregnant a few months ago, my eldest son said that the pregancy was completely unexpected. 

Too many red flags are flapping, here, and I'm going to have to make some decisions about my own choices that will likely be unpleasant. 

Thank you for the input, and I believe that I'm sticking with my intuition, here.  In the past 5 years, I've done some serious personal recovery and realignments of my personal beliefs and effort to remain objective.  The facts are the facts, and my youngest son is overwhelmed by the "possibility" that his sister-in-law "could be" a scammer.  He acknowledges that this woman is behaving very badly, and has behaved very badly in the past.

Emotionally, I'm very sad about this situation - it's sad on every level and the baby is, indeed, my grandchild.  I can only say this because my son and his wife do not spend a moment away from one another, and it's not the "healthy" kind of attachment.  She doesn't work or even drive, and my son is disabled and has always been seriously isolated.  It's very unhealthy, and I've read countless articles of how this will likely go down:  he's a mess and she's going to accuse him of abuse and/or threats of violence.  Because she's married to him, she'll be granted a green card as the baby is a born citizen, and she'll be eligible for every welfare program available, including legal aid.  My son, on the other hand, will be forced to pay alimony and child support and there's nothing that I can do to prevent it.  It is what it is.

Walking away from this situation is the only thing that I can do, practically speaking.  And, I've been practicing separating my feelings from facts, and this situation is rotten from the gate.

I won't tell my son what I believe, or even hint at my concerns.  It would only give him a cause to hold onto this sham of a marriage even tighter.  Big, "ugh," here but it is what it is. 

Thanks, again.

Well.......I did contact this woman via an assertive (NOT angry) written message to indicate to her that returning gifts and criticizing / complaining about what was gifted is 100% unacceptable in this country.  I also pointed out that grandparents are held in high esteem to do for their grandchildren as and how they can.  I stated that she needed to contact me using her own email account, or Skype account, or even using her own cell phone, but that my son should not be the go-between.

I received an outrageous rant, this morning, from this woman.  It was accusatory, ugly, and of the utmost disrespect imaginable.  She went so far as to call me a "racist" with reference to a comment that I made that she didn't understand the customs of this country and that it might create problems for her in the future, since she didn't arrive in this country on a work or student visa - she came into this country strictly on a marriage visa, if there IS such a thing. 

I do not care, one iota, about this woman, and my eldest son allowed this whole thing to blow up by misinforming this woman about his past, how many marriages he's had, what the circumstances were that ended each marriage, and that I had somehow had tried to interfere in his second marriage.  I never spoke to his second wife and only met her on the occasion when I picked up my youngest son who had been living with them for a short time.

She is now in the TEXTBOOK final phase of isolating my son from his family, will be delivering this child, soon, and she will likely file charge of domestic abuse and/or violence once this child is born. Every aspect of this woman's behavior is listed by the US Embassy as patterns of green card scammers.  From arriving in this country at my son's expense, to the marriage within 90 days, and the subsequent drama/trauma and unexpected pregnancy, this final effort to isolate is absolutely noted as predictable. 

I am out.  I am done.  I cannot risk my progress for any man, woman, or child, and this whole episode has made me sick to my stomach. 

This morning, I became very sad and angry about this woman's behaviors because I had kept up a false hope that both of my sons and I could enjoy a healthy relationship, finally.  Well, that's just not the case.  The eldest son is (as I mentioned) Borderline and Cluster B.  He has extreme control and anger issues, is an admitted abuser, and he ended up marrying one just as devious as he is, if not more so. 

So........a note to parents out there who are trying to mend fences with adult chidlren and feeling guilty for whatever rift that exists:  if you have stood accountable for the mistakes that ALL parents make, including ones who escaped dysfunctional dynamics, and apologized to your adult child, you have done as much as you can.  The rest is up to them because, as adults, they are making their own choices. 

I still love my eldest son and care about his well-being, I will not be drawn into this mess, even if a grandchild is involved.  I cannot allow myself to become attached to a human being that I will never have contact with.