Saywhatagain, I too have sought God the most in my darkest hours. So I have no doubt God uses suffering for good.
You said, "I do believe that God knows who will receive Him or reject Him before we are born, so could those who He already knows will receive His grace be who He is referring to as His chosen? We are His chosen because He knows we will accept His grace, therefore He speaks of us as those He chose, even though it was still us that chose to receive His grace."
This is what Arminian theology teaches, that God knows the end from the beginning, and so he looks through the corridors of time and sees who will choose him and who will not and that determines his choice.
But this is why I can't see it that way. First you have this scripture that says:
Romans 3:11
"No one seeks for God."
And that is talking about before someone is born again. After someone is born again, then they will seek after God.
That's why Jesus said this:
John 3:3
Jesus answered him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.”
1 Corinthians 2:14
The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned.
John 3:6
6That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.
So the natural man does not seek after God and cannot accept the things of the Spirit of God, and the only way this can change, is that he be born again.
So how is someone born again?
John 3:8
8The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.”
Can the natural man who doesn't seek after God and cannot accept the things of God because they are foolishness to him, all the sudden do the most incredible miracle, and cause himself to be born again? Or does that scripture say, it's of the Spirit that we are born again? I believe this is why Jesus describes it like the mysterious wind, because it doesn't come from us, it comes from the Spirit.
The bible describes us as dead in our sins, and it obviously means spiritually dead and not physically dead. Can a spiritually dead person make themselves alive?
Ephesians 2:4
4But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, 5even when we were dead in our trespasses, MADE US ALIVE together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— 6and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, 7so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. 8For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 10For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
The passage clearly says there that is was God that made us alive.
He is the one that caused us to be born again.
1 Peter 1:3
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, HE HAS CAUSED US TO BE BORN AGAIN to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.
The natural man who doesn't seek after God and cannot accept the things of God because they are foolishness to him, can in no way cause himself to be born again, but God can cause that stubborn, foolish, prideful person to be born again! And this is what he did with Paul and with anyone that believes in Him. God caused Paul to be born again on that road to Damascus, and he went from hating God to loving God and willing to suffer greatly for God. He was a new creation! After God caused Paul to be born again, that is when he repented and believed, not before.
2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
Notice again in this scripture, who causes us to be born again?
John 1:9
9The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming into the world. 10He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. 11He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. 12But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, 13who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.
It specifically says here that it's not the will of the flesh that causes us to be born again, or the will of man. So our free will decision can't cause us to be born again. Only God can do this. And when God causes us to be born again, we will receive him and believe on his name, and he will give us the right to become his children.
Romans 9:14 reinforces what John 1:9 is saying:
What shall we say then? Is there injustice on God's part? By no means! 15 For he says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.” 16 So then it depends not on human will or exertion,2 but on God, who has mercy.
Salvation depends on God it says, and not on human will or exertion.
And then in Romans 9:11 it also says this:
"Though they were not yet born and had done nothing either good or bad—in order that God's purpose of election might continue, not because of works but because of him who calls."
God has a purpose in election and it's decided before the foundation of the world before we are able to do anything good or bad. And if it was that God looked through the corridors of time and saw that some would choose him and some wouldn't, and that's how he made his decision, would that scripture make any sense? Choosing to believe in God, putting our faith in God, is the greatest good we could ever do. It is through faith that we are justified. If God looked through the corridors of time and chose those that had chosen him, that would mean he was basing his choice on something very good we did, which would be contrary to what that scripture says.
But the bible says God is the author and finisher of our faith:
Hebrews 12:2
Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
If someone wrote a best selling book and I claimed to be the author of it instead, I wonder how that would go over?
God is the author of our faith, not us.
Consider these scriptures too:
James 1:18 - Of his own will begat he us with the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.
2 Timothy 1:9 - Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began.
John 15:16 - Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and [that] your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.
Notice in all these passages, there is a strong emphasis on God's purpose and will.
I'll end this with this passage, probably my favorite in the whole bible, and I believe it sums up everything:
Ephesians 1:
"3Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, 4even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love 5he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, 6to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. 7In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, 8which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight 9making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ 10as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.
11In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, 12so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. 13In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, 14who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory."
I'll probably let someone else answer that second part of your post sense I'm not sure what to say on that. I'll just say that I do not believe in the immortality of the soul, except for believers, which would apply somewhat to what you are saying I think. But that could start a whole other debate. :)