dying2live
It is a good thing not to take anti-depressants. However, I do believe if a person can't help themselves get better then perhaps the anti-depressant is better than nothing. I used to take Paxil for 3 years and I took myself off of them and yes, it was hard at first. I feel for you as you are going through a tough time! Are you a person of faith? I would strongly encourage you to seek God.
Life is about choices. Decide what would be a good course of action. Tell yourself you are worthy of a life free from depression, anger, and denial. Begin to be your best friend. The drink will only drag you down. Look at it...call it your enemy and begin to push it away. Don't give up. Take two steps forward and if you take a step back, forgive yourself and keep moving forward.
Your baby needs you. You are the role model he/she will see. We all have to have a purpose. Embrace yours as a mother. Don't give up! God Bless You!