Thanks for letting me get this off my chest and I don't want pity. I am happy just to be able to post this, and, not that anyone would, but don't even feel inclined to reply unless someone knows how to cure the inability to detoxify and the dementia, CFS, pathogens, allergy, chemical sensitivity and yeast and other allergies that it creates.

I have had my condition for over 5 years. I am at the point due to all the yeasts, heavy metals and other problems that I wish I was dead. I have tried everything to get well and am not. The best thing that can happen to me is to die but I am too scared to do it. For someone like me who is extremely ill and they have tried everything, are in constant pain and can no longer work or take care of themselves the best thing is death. There is nothing shameful or to feel guilty about. I wish I was not so scared and I would do an overdose, euthanasia or whatever. I hate being the way I am. I get flashbacks and cannot be in enclosed places. Various chemicals and foods can make me fall asleep almost instantly. I can't go in to department stores or use creams, etc as they make me so sick. Sorry about my complaining. I hate being like that and will try to focus on something else after this. I can't digest anything. I do count my blessings as I can still see, walk, hear and smell.

Sure, anyone can say take some drugs but what do they do to me? They make me drunk in the head and ill. I have never taken morphine but assume it is similar. I would be a street person if it wasn't for my one relative. She hates me but at least has kept me out of a mental institution. You might say I belong in one but actually being shut up in a building makes it worse. I think if I am lucky I will end up in a care home in the countryside. When I am out in public I am as quiet as I can be as I don't want anyone noticing my behaviour. This is the only place I have posted this.

I am going to try one more thing with the little money I have at least to clear some of the fungus in my lower regions. I probably should try and aim to go to a care home now, out in the country, where there is walking makes me feel at least a little bit better but I will have to sit with my infections and it really hurts. Yes, I do go back to the doctor again and again and all the creams, pills etc... do nothing. At this stage, and again if anyone knows, if I have my uterus removed, will it get rid of my infections. I would do that if it would. About where I live, if I am lucky enough to be able to go to a care home in the countryside, it will be freezing, but maybe at least there would be kind people around to chat with and I could go for walks every day. Where I would go would be freezing in the winter though (due to the country I live in) and maybe that would end my life quickly and so I wouldn't be posting something like this. At least being outside, seeing beautiful hills and going for a walk doesn't take my mind off things but I don't suffer the claustrophobia I suffer indoors.

Due to also being ill and inable to concentrate properly maybe I can meet people who would tolerate me but it is very hard. Sorry about all this but thank you for letting me get my frustration off of my chest. My mother had a mouth full of mercury fillings, my grandfather had mercury around the house and I was exposed to it on several occasions. Later, in an attempt, to get rid of my candidiasis I ingested something that had A LOT of mercury in it. I didn't do it on purpose, I had no idea it would or could contain mercury, it said the supplement got rid of candida. I did a lot of infusions to get rid of the mercury as well but it is not gone and I cannot detoxify. I now have no puffy veins left. Thanks for letting me, again, say all of this.

If I am ever not scared and can take the pain of killing myself I will. And yes, I have been put on drugs by the doctor for Depression or similar. It is all a big joke if you can't detoxify as they just make you more tired, feel drunk and more unintelligent.

Sorry again about all this but thanks for letting me just somehow get this off my chest. The NHS in the UK and all "normal" doctors in American don't recognise this. Also, the only other thing I can say is thank god I never had ECT.

My future is very bleak. I am not looking forward to being even older, if I am like this, in 10-30 years. Maybe I will die then but it is very scary.

On another note, when I can I collect dishes for people at outdoor cafes and do not get paid or try to help people take care of their children. I am so ill though and have so many infections I can't really do much of anything but I don't just sit on the computer typing things like this. Thanks for letting me say that too.