17 years old. Severely abused. Need ... 
vg2012
12 y
5,782
† Cross †
I am 17 years old and I am in the foster care system. As a baby, my mother gave me and my siblings up because she was so young. (She had been 13 and my birth dad had raped her. He was in his 30's) When I was 6, a couple adopted us and told us they would love us forever. After the adoption was finalized, they wound up starving, beating, neglecting, isolating, and torchering me while they treated my siblings amazing. They told me that I was just a mistake, a monster, and that I could never be loved. They said that they were trying to save me from going to hell but that it was hopeless. After 4 years of that, I was separated from my siblings (which broke my heart. I miss them so much) and placed back into foster care. After a year in foster care, a 17 year old boy continuously sexually abused me for some time. My current foster parents are getting divorced and basically ignore me. My first love whom I was with for 2 years broke up with me 3 months ago and said he never wants to see me, talk to me, or be friends ever again. He said he's happier without me in his life. I put more trust and love into him than I had ever put into anyone and now it's over. Now, I don't know if there is such thing as true love or if love can really last. I feel disconnected from humans and I'm afraid of being hurt but at the same time, I long for a close, safe relationship. My biggest dream has always been to grow up, get married to a loving, loyal, great husband, and have kids that i can give the childhood I didn't have to. But, I feel like that will never happen. I truly do feel unloved, unworthy, and like a mistake. I feel so alone. I feel like I just can't be loved. I don't have many friends and I do have a therapist (I've been going to her for 5 years). But therapy just hasn't worked. This is my last semester of high school and after that, I go out into the world alone. I don't know what to do and I don't know how to feel comfortable trusting people anymore. Every time I have trusted and loved, it has always wound up bad for me and has hurt so much. Can people really love someone? Can marriages really last?
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- Re: 17 years old. Severely abused. N... BlueRose
12 y
4,456
MoreThis is a reply to # 1,897,320Can people really love someone? Can marriages really last?
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The answer to both questions is "yes".
You've been through a lot in your life. Good for you for going for therapy. If it's not working, then perhaps your therapist isn't a good fit for you---or isn't a competent therapist.
I'm surprised that once you turn 18, you will be out and fully on your own. Many states (perhaps all?) now offer support in some form or other for foster kids until they turn 21. You should ask a social worker about that.
Don't give up on therapy. If you are in a position to request another therapist, then do so. I'm sure you know that you have a long ways to go---and a lot of hard work ahead of you. In the end, it will be worth it.
Best wishes to you!
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- Re: 17 years old. Severely abused. N... prayer25
12 y
4,348
This is a reply to # 1,897,320Hi im sorry your going through all this, you know im 25 and I alway's wanted to do fostercare to try and give the kids a better life than what they had, you hear so many stories of how these nasty ignorant people do to these children that are in the system, and it just make me so mad. The best way to prove to all those people who truely hurt you and said you'll never be nothing and that exboyfriend of your's who don't want you, prove them all that they are wrong when you finish school, go to college and get you degree in whatever field that you want to do, get your job, house and car. Than maybe oneday when you run into them and they are nothing cause 9times out of 10 they will be doing nothing, they are gonna wish they were you, and that boy is gonna wish he never left you. Everything you been through is only gonna make you strong enough to become the Best Person God want you to be. Look how far you have come already, that is enough to drive somebody crazy and your still standing strong. When that right guy for you come along you will know trust me, because he is gonna see all the beauty in your heart and how strong you are is only gonna want him to Love you forever. Your still young right now guy's come and go and yes getting your heart broken is a very painful thing but you have to pick yourself backup and know that he just wasn't good enough for you. Remember true Love never ends, only Lust. I wish you the best don't give up and may God give you nothing but happiness and lots of Joy.
- Re: 17 years old. Severely abused. N... isurvived
12 y
4,269
This is a reply to # 1,897,320I know what you are going through, although our stories a little different, its all the same.. I will tell you that you are not alone in this. I have learned to heal from all the abuse i received as a child, and i wont lie to you, it took me a long time and im still not completely healed, and to be honest you never will be completely healed. The way ive gotten through life is speaking out about all the things i went through. Dont take the things that you have gone through or are going through as a dead end....take all that and write.. educate people about the foster care system..Educate people about sexua| abuse, share your story..And remember just because your past relationships didnt work or went wrong, it doesnt mean that there is not a person out there for your... its just that everything comes in due time, everything has its process.... the right person for you will come along when its time for them to be there. To Answer your questions, yes, love does exist...I dont know you and i love you for being such a brave soul and not giving up this fight... You are a survivor and not a victims sweet heart.. let the world know you are a strong being. Does marriage last? I think it can, it depends on the persons involved. Take the steps necessary to make you feel better.. Share your story...
(Edited by moderator)
LOVE PEACE AND LIGHT
You are not alone...... - Re: 17 years old. Severely abused. N... Justin Tyme
12 y
4,034
This is a reply to # 1,897,320I hope this helps you. I was in foster care, and I endured physical, emotional and sexua| abuse. I was repeatedly told things like what you were told. Please don't believe those things. I met someone who showed me that true love is wonderful. We've been married over twenty years and my soulmate is always there for me. You have a long life ahead of you, so be take care of yourself and follow your dreams.
- Re: 17 years old. Severely abused. N... Julie Anderson
12 y
4,284
This is a reply to # 1,897,320Really sad story you have but you should trust on your fate and I'm hopeful that one day you will find true love. So wait for that moment and think positive.
- Re: 17 years old. Severely abused. N... fledgling
12 y
4,158
This is a reply to # 1,897,320Oh my, you think clearly!
That's a wonderful talent you can be proud of.
A friend of mine was in a position where many people dumped their frustrations on her.
She told me that, while they were talking, she paid attention, but, thought in her head the word "Cancel."
Of course, the stuff they were dumping on her wasn't nearly as important as your story, but maybe the word "Cancel" will someday be useful to you.
A friend wrote a book you may like... http://www.wishcraft.com
Some of her other websites are http://www.barbarasher.com
and http://www.geniuspress.com
There are wonderful places and wonderful people for you, my dear.
Enjoy!
Love,
Fledgling
- Re: 17 years old. Severely abused. N... BlueRose
12 y
4,456
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