My heart aches... 
vektek
13 y
1,541
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as my marriage falls apart, and my whole family falls apart. I'm tired of it all. Too much pain in this life! I know I'm not alone. Others feel this way too. The end of this world won't come too soon for me. I hate sin. I'm tired of it's ugliness. And yes, for sure, I include myself in that.
I don't believe God has left me. I don't think I ever really believe that. But I do get mad sometimes. Of course it's foolishness, I know that. Deep down I know that he is the only one that really cares, the only one that knows me inside and out, including that ugly nasty sin. Yet he continues to love me, continues to stay by my side. He doesn't take away the pain though, at least a lot of the time. That's why I get mad. I don't want to go through the pain another minute! I don't feel like toughing through it anymore. But still, I'm stuck in it.
I write this knowing the criticism will come. You'd think I'd be use to it by now. It's been my constant companion
for as long as I can remember.
Tonight, I wanted to find a comforting song. This is the song I first clicked on in my search. With tears streaming down my face, I knew it was what I needed to hear. Where am I going to hide from him? And why would I want to? He is the only one that truly understands this pain I feel, and how deep it goes, and for how long it's been there. And he is the only one that can rescue me from it some day and bring healing to my heart and soul. Save me from this pit Jesus! There is no one else who can, only you!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_JhzmYCu5I&feature=related
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- Re: My heart aches... Rainy.
13 y
1,437
This is a reply to # 1,894,260
I woke up and could not get back to sleep. I had a strong urge to check the forum and I found this message. Now I know why I could not get back to sleep. The song is beautiful and straight from the heart of God. I have so experienced this song in my own life. That is why I know it is His heart for you and me. It is His heart for all His children. You did not click on it by accident. He had it waiting there for you for such a time as this. I can tell that your spiritual roots in Christ are very deep and they are fixing to grow even deeper. I believe someday you will look back on it all and rejoice as you see how His mighty hand worked in your life through this.
He doesn't take away the pain though, at least a lot of the time. That's why I get mad. I don't want to go through the pain another minute! I don't feel like toughing through it anymore. But still, I'm stuck in it.
It is not a coincidence that last night before I went to sleep my prayers were on this very subject. I was kind of asking God to help me understand why my life is not healed. Why is my body not healed when He bore horrible stripes for my healing? I believe He bore this pain for me so why can I not receive it? What am I missing? That is my prayer. Somehow, as I sit here writing this, I feel His answer to me for this time is, it is because He wants me to seek more of Him. That is the most I can get out of Him right now, but it is still hard for me to understand. So, I will press on. I know you will too.
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- Re: My heart aches... Insight
13 y
1,683
This is a reply to # 1,894,266"I believe He bore this pain for me so why can I not receive it? What am I missing?"
Hehe, very interesting.
I've been getting frustrated and wondering about this exact same question.
What am I missing?
God's power should be BLASTING into my life in all areas, because of what Jesus did, but instead it seems it's only trickling in.
The truth is I have been making some improvements in my health, but it's not enough. Jesus didn't pay the penalty so I could be only slightly less sick.
The HOLY SPIRIT is more than capable of providing for all our needs. In Matthew, Jesus pretty much said not to worry about clothes, food, etc. All our needs.
But he said "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."
Perhaps the answer is there. I've been learning more and more little by little what the "Kingdom" is and what it's about, etc. It seems it's here available now.
I guess we'll see.
But we really SHOULD be ACTUALLY "more than conquerors", not just in our imaginations. Aren't you tired of the POWERLESS Christianity? All this stuff that denies THE POWER THEREOF?
"Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth." 3 John 1:2
There you go.
I don't think all this weakness and striving and disease among the Body of Christ, the Christians, is Biblical. We can't fulfill the Great Commission if we can't even function.
We all need THE POWER. We need God in our lives, for reals, not just in an ambiguous imaginary way.
The veil has been rent, right?
Anyways, press on, my sisters in Christ.
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- Re: My heart aches... Rainy.
13 y
1,377
This is a reply to # 1,894,301Thanks for the great post. This is what I am going to press on to receive. I feel like I am in the thorns bogged down with the cares of life. I definitely need to get out of them. This does hold me back from seeking the kingdom of God first. Your right. God may have sent you to post this just for me as a way of answering my prayer last night.
It just seems strange that I have recognized the hand of God heavy on me all my life, but can't receive all that Jesus did for me. I can definitely see how He has protected me and helped me thru difficult times. Without Him I doubt I would even be alive. He is not imaginary for me. He is very real. He is very much with me. My spirit does bear witness that I am His child. I just can't understand why I can't receive all that Christ paid for. You may have hit on the answer. If I could just attain truly seeking Him first, maybe, just maybe, then everything would fall into place. Maybe then I could truly be healed by His stripes.
- Re: My heart aches... Rainy.
13 y
1,377
- Re: My heart aches... Insight
13 y
1,683
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Re: My heart aches... chavey
13 y
1,606
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This is a reply to # 1,894,260Vektek, a couple of days ago I left CureZone but never left you sweetheart.
I have read your posts for a long time and what impressed me dearly was your prayers for others.
I used to think to myself, where does she find the strength when I am aware of the pain that you are suffering.
I realised that it was the love that you have for everybody and not, I feel, enough for yourself.
Well let me tell you this my sweet, there are many here that love you to bits.
Your a brave soul and that rubs off to all of us that know you.
There is another thing that you must keep in mind, through yours tears of pain you will always have Jesus alongside you, believe me.
You will get through this pain with him I'm rest assured of that because he helped me through mine and many others on our pathway through this life of ours.
I have always loved you and know the selflessness that makes you a special person to all of us.
Today I feel that pain of yours and pray that it will cease very soon, sooner than you think because like you I have faith in our creator.
Vektek, we all love you so much and wait for the day you get through this, I like others will pray for you.
Love Chavey x.
- Re: My heart aches... Rainy.
13 y
1,762
This is a reply to # 1,894,287Chavey, why did you leave? I have missed you. I hope it was not because of me. None of us will agree with everyone all of the time. It is good to discuss our different beliefs on issues (with love of course). That helps us learn and get closer to the truth. Please forgive me if I did not show the love I should have. I am so imperfect, but I do believe God is not done with me yet. Please prayerfully consider coming back and being a part of the forum family.
Ok, I feel really brave right now, so I will post something that will probably really cause a lot of (_fill in the blank_________ ). I have been trying to be careful what I post, but if this makes you see that we all can post things that others may disagree with I will post it. :) Here we go:
- Re: My heart aches... Insight
13 y
1,578
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This is a reply to # 1,894,296Nice video post, btw. I watch that channel on Youtube as well. They are one of the few Christian groups there I feel at peace about.
There's a lot of confusion in the Christian community on Youtube.
- Re: My heart aches... Insight
13 y
1,578
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- Re: My heart aches... tomato
13 y
1,637
This is a reply to # 1,894,260Vektek
Your Father will not leave "No Not One" of His here.
So dry those tears and forever look at Him with confidence - with hope - and know your Lord loves you.
You have been purchased with His blood and you know you are definitely the Fathers.
Vektek you know how low I seemed in the following years crying outloud for all to hear. I still have strong faith in our sweet Jesus through every test and struggle on earth.
From this angle you are a fine Diamond cut in all the right places shining just for Him.
I pray your mom and Grandmom are in peace these days and enjoying the family.
Sorry I have not respond in time you wrote I've been so busy and all with various stuff.
Wishing all the most safe and healthy and happy New Year.
- Re: My heart aches... tomato
13 y
1,695
J.Crow’s® Lugol’s Iodine
Free S&H.Restore lost reserves.J.CROW’S®Lugol’s Iodine Solut...
Heart Worms?
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This is a reply to # 1,894,432God,Jesus,Holy Spirit, you know how I feel and it's a new day through our Lord...
http://youtu.be/l7eHQo7Uh0M
- Re: My heart aches... tomato
13 y
1,770
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Free S&H.Restore lost reserves.J.CROW’S®Lugol’s Iodine Solut...
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This is a reply to # 1,894,436My mind is on our Lord even with this song I give to "Him"...I'm coming back Home soon to be with "Him"
http://youtu.be/4o1MAfiS8ao
- Re: My heart aches... tomato
13 y
1,703
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This is a reply to # 1,894,444Funny when in pain I go to our "Jesus" Lord God and it gets handled miraculously by one quick touch.
I can see Jesus standing on his throne in deep prayer.
Jesus does not miss one prayer and hears each one.
Oh my
A thorn left to be with the Rosebud-
Joseph sings
http://youtu.be/pdpd3zuutM8
Joseph sings.
I wish I was at that meeting this week at Niagara Falls. I know it will be so tremendous with Donnie Rapture sermon.
http://youtu.be/yJJdfUwxdZ8
- Re: My heart aches... vektek
13 y
1,398
This is a reply to # 1,894,455Thank you everyone! I don't have a whole lot of support in my life right at the moment, so your words mean more to me than you know.
Rainy, all you said confirms to me that God was moving in a big way last night. Thank you always for your kindness to me. I pray for your healing too and I think of you so often, wondering if you are fasting that day, etc. :) And yes, may we both press on! By God's grace we'll make it through whatever comes!
Chavey, It means so much to me what you said because I've been feeling kind of worthless lately. I know it's just a lie from the devil, but still, those feelings come. I want to help other people. What other reason is there to be on this earth? Everybody hurts.... one of my favorites. :) Brings back memories. One time in my twenties I sung that on my answering machine. And I can't sing, so I made everybody hurt that called. lol
Insight, I pray for your healing. From my experience adrenal fatigue seems impossible at times, but I know not too impossible for our Lord. May 2012 be the year we are both healed from it, or better yet, 2011. :)
Tomato, thank you! I know you've been through so much too! I could wonder how you keep standing, but I know the answer. I'm enjoying the videos. I had never heard of that Michael Buble guy until just the other night. Yes, I've been living under a rock. :)- Re: My heart aches... thornsandnails
12 y
1,371
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- Re: My heart aches... vektek
13 y
1,398
- Re: My heart aches... vektek
13 y
1,383
This is a reply to # 1,894,444My mind is on our Lord even with this song I give to "Him"...I'm coming back Home soon to be with "Him"
Me too Tomato!, me too! May it be soon!
A Final Word
Then one of the elders said to me, ‘Do not weep! See, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has triumphed.’ Revelation 5:5
On this last day of the year, we look to the future and wonder, Could this be the year of Christ’s return? If so, you will experience for the first time, what it feels like to be pure and blameless. You will see your loved one walk without a limp. You will witness the stroke-survivor walk without his cane. You will know family members and friends as God intended them to be all along, their best attributes shining brightly, and their worst traits gone with the wind. No bruises on your daughter, free from the shackles of an abusive marriage. No confused thoughts, no mental illness, no Alzheimer’s disease.
You will see what lessons the angels and demons learned about God from observing him at work in your mother, languishing in that nursing home. You will stand amazed at how your perseverance through pain sent repercussions rumbling through the lives of people you never knew were watching. You will be awestruck to see how your endurance through hardship forced others you hardly even knew to make tough decisions about God and suffering. Oh, what a wonderful day that will be!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
If you faced deep heartache and disappointment this year, take encouragement that soon the Lamb who sits on the throne – the Lion of the tribe of Judah – will triumph. Every tear will be wiped away. Let this fact encourage you for the weeks and months ahead. Commit afresh and anew to deepen your walk with Jesus Christ in the New Year, preserving for yourself “a rich inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade – kept in heaven for you” (I Peter 1:4).
Lord Jesus, I look forward to the day when you will receive endless praise and honor and glory for your amazing grace. Thank you for preserving my life through this year and impart fresh grace in my heart to honor and obey you in the year ahead.
Joni Eareckson Tada
- Re: My heart aches... tomato
13 y
1,703
- Re: My heart aches... tomato
13 y
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- Re: My heart aches... tomato
13 y
1,695
- Re: My heart aches... Rainy.
13 y
1,437
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