feeling onfused.. 
cocteau
14 y
3,817
† Cross †
I don't know how to start.. well, first of all, I just became a member here and I'm hoping someone here could help me.. when I was 14 I met someone on the internet. we started off as friends but eventually we started having strong feelings for each other. We were both facing a hard time in our life, he being ill and I had depression. No one understood me and I felt so lonely.. until I met him. He always listened to me and made me want to live life again. He had so many plans for us, he even wanted to marry me, he said. We had big dreams and it made me so happy. I finally felt that my life had a meaning again. 6 months later after we met on the internet, he wanted to meet me in real life too.. and I did too. The only problem was that I had Depression (which he didn't know and I didn't tell him at that time either). I was afraid of walking out of the house.. I didn't go to school.. so how could I meet him? Even though I wanted it more than anything I just couldn't.. but I didn't tell him so he came to my country (we live in two different countries) but I refused to meet him. He forgave me, he said we could try another time.. we tried again half a year later and I still didn't meet him. Last year at this time of the year he said it's best for us to break up.. but he wanted us to keep talking.. it broke my heart but the fact that we kept talking has always made me feel that there is still hope for us and what he had. But now he is still in university, he's graduating in a couple of months and because of that we barely talk.. he still sends me a mail once or twice a week and he texts me.. but I have no idea what he wants, he said that we could meet after he finishes university but then he said he's not sure if we should meet... he told me he is confused about what he wants too but he also said that he can't give me a ''lifelong thing''.. but the truth is, I have changed. and I don't feel like he knows the new me. I have more confidence.. but how can I show him that? How can I make him see that I've changed and make him give me a new chance? How can I make him want to meet me again? I said that this time I would go to his country.. I also think that if we, in real life won't feel a connection then I wouldn't mind, at least I would get some kind of closure.. but he has to meet me..Advertisement
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- Re: feeling onfused.. marylo
14 y
2,936
This is a reply to # 1,672,167Hi, I´m sorry for what you have been through.
I one got so depressed, I was afaid to go out of the house, but that is history.
If you got so a strong connection, why didn´t you tell him the truth? ( Afraid of meeting him) Whas it embarrasing?
I know how you feel, but I´m sure you´re also aware of how he feels. (in fact the doesn´t know the real reason) he might think you´re married, or just unsure of what you want, and the list could be endeless.
I guess, it´s a good idea that you make now the move and go to meet him.
Be daring,this life is for those who dare.
Why don´t you tell him. " I´ll go to your city and I´ll be in a certain place( hotel, cafeteria, etc)" I´ll be there for a period of time and I´d would like you to show up"
Then, DO IT!. If he goes GOOD, if he doesn´t GOOD. At least you would have face the situation.
Don´t give this a "life or death" proportions.
Be sure that you´ll survive, no matter what is the out come.
Take one step at a time!
Good luck!
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- Re: feeling onfused.. BlueRose
14 y
3,156
This is a reply to # 1,672,167I'll echo much of what Marylo said. I, too, wonder why you didn't just tell him that you were too depressed at the time to want to meet him? You said you both connected, then you should have been comfortable enough to tell him of your depression. So...you didn't tell him, he made a trip just to meet you---and you didn't show, nor did you tell him the reason why. Do you really wonder why he broke it off? As Marylo pointed out, he doesn't know the reason you didnt show. For all he knew, you weren't a young woman but an older man pretending to be something other than himself. Stories like that are common in these internet times.
I'm sure you now know that there is no shame in admitting that you were depressed. Looking back, for example, there were people in my life that suddenly and abruptly stopped getting in touch with me despite my trying to keep the connection alive. From what I know now, I'm guessing that some of them were depressed. I really wish that they told me this at the time and let me know it wasn't personal and that they needed time to get it together. Or after they dealt with their depression, had gotten in touch to explain to me why they cut off contact. I wouldn't have held it against them. Instead, I would have welcomed the chance to reconnect.
You ask:
How can I make him see that I've changed and make him give me a new chance? How can I make him want to meet me again?
First of all---you can't make him do anything. All you can do is email him and give him a very lengthy explanation as to why you stood him up when he came to meet you. Also, make sure you give a sincere apology to him. Then go on and let him know that you have changed. If you went through therapy to get to where you are, let him know this, too.
After telling him all of this, then the ball will be in his court. As I said, you can't make him do anything but you can extend an olive branch to him. Whether he wants to try again, is strictly up to him.
Best of luck with everything!Advertisement
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- Re: feeling onfused.. marylo
14 y
2,936
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