From your post, it would appear that you also have low self-esteem. No offense meant but, I also suspect that you keep going back to him because you also believe that you will never find anyone else who will want to go out with you. Am I right?

You see, I was once that way. I grew up with an NPD mother who was verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically abusive. She was also an alcoholic and my father was the perfect enabler. Growing up like that, really did a number on my self-esteem and self-confidence. Perhaps you endured something similar while growing up?

From experience, I can tell you that you have to stay strong. No, it's not always easy but you have to do it. I once dated a guy who kept pressuring me to sleep with him. I kept telling him "no" because deep down I knew that once he did get his way, he would dump me. He did dump me anyway but not before telling me what a prude I was. I was very proud of myself for not having given into him.

After that, when I would encounter guys like him, it became easier to say "no". After saying "no", I would hear "see you around".

You have to say "no" to him---and really mean it. If it is necessary, find a different circle of friends so that you don't run into him.

Clearly, you feel embarassed each time you get sucked in again. Think back to those times next time you're tempted to go back. You don't want to keep feeling bad, do you?

Finally, if you still find that you are having difficulties, take a look at:

http://www.coda.org/


It's the website of Codependents Anonymous. See if there is a meeting near you. If there is, start going.

Best of luck to you!

I think you are correct.

1. I am 32, have an 11 year old and feel like maybe at this point I will never find anyone else.

2. I was abandon at a young age by my mother.

3. I am utterly embarrassed of him. My friends know his drama with screwing people over, they all think he is a dirt bag etc... so this last time I let him back in I kept it a secret. This was terrible, telling people they can't stop over the house or "no I don't need a ride, will meet you there" etc.....

I am tired of being manipulated by him, I am tired of his white lies he tells me and the white lies I witness him tell other people. The way he has to be "it" in conversation and the fact that he tries to lie to me about things WE talked about together days ago.

I feel like a schmuck.

iv been in a 12 year relationship with someone who has npd

when i broke up with him, he was still making contact, communicating with me, texting me, calling me, emailing me saying he just wants to know if im ok.

so i text back or respond that i am ok, & then the pattern starts again - & it went on for 2 years more - the excellent good times and the painfully hurtful gut wrenching heart tearing BAD times.
emotionally and mentally!!! (he was physically abusive in the early part of our relationship.)

it was only 2 months ago that I learned he was going to be married to somenone else - but he only did so when i brought up that maybe i want us to get married.

i asked him why he was still seeing me then - & why is he being intimate with me - i also asked myself why I allowed myself to still be with him & be intimate with him -
when he was going to be married anyway !!!

- to a woman he said he doesnt really love but cant detach himself from. when i tested him & i said i want us to get married instead - he said he cant.

but he is still communicating with me and initiating contact!!! he also sent an angry text message on why i wasnt answering his calls!!!

i have stopped communicating with him in any manner & form & no longer respond to anything he sends or does. though ithas only been a month, he now no longer is contacting me - for how long i dont know. But i am sure i dont want to be sucked in his world again.

now i think i know why I was suseecptible to him and why i was so easily swayed by him.

i grew up in a family with npd tendencies (my grandmother has npd tendencies) --

Now im in the process of healing myself. it has been only a month so it is admittedly so hard still to get over the fact that i had a relationship with him as he was someone I loved - he's my 1st boyfriend.I had trouble sleeping sleeping at night & i found myself crying suddenly in the grocery. But I have & to make a better today & future for myself. these collection of radio shows from melanie tonia evans also helped me a lot from detaching myself from him as well as help me sleep better at night - sincerely - http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/media.htm


i am still a work in progress but i am starting NOW. NoW is the best time than not at all!